


What the Devil Desires

by Antarctic_Echoes



Series: Meta-Lucifer on AO3 [10]
Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Fluff and Humor, Meta, Strong Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-03
Updated: 2017-03-17
Packaged: 2018-09-28 03:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 30,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10067507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antarctic_Echoes/pseuds/Antarctic_Echoes
Summary: Chloe tries to encourage Lucifer to tell her what he desires.  Meanwhile, Amenadiel and Mum tell Chloe about the circumstances of her birth.Sequel to “The Truth About Chloe”, picks up a week after where that story left off.





	1. A Bit of Jealousy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [skaoi](https://archiveofourown.org/users/skaoi/gifts), [SueBob99](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SueBob99/gifts), [mishasan7](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishasan7/gifts), [BurningUpASunJustToSayHello](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BurningUpASunJustToSayHello/gifts), [AmyIsARealPhelps](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyIsARealPhelps/gifts), [Vendetta1897](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vendetta1897/gifts), [ScooterThyme](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ScooterThyme/gifts).



> So many people to thank!
> 
> This is for skaoi, SueBob99 and mishasan7 who wanted a story about Lucifer and his desires. It’s not its own independent fic, but I found that it fits much better here. I hope you don’t mind.
> 
> Thank you to BurningUpASunJustToSayHello for the idea of the Lifetime movies! (Chapter 10)
> 
> Thank you to AmyIsARealPhelps, SueBob99, and Vendetta1897 -- you know why!
> 
> And a huge thank you to ScooterThyme, for the excellent beta!
> 
>  
> 
> Disclaimer: Lucifer Morningstar, Chloe Decker, Trixie Decker, Ella Lopez, Mazikeen, Amenadiel, Dan Espinoza, Linda Martin and Charlotte Richards are owned by Vertigo Comics, DC Comics, Neil Gaiman, Mike Carey, and everyone else involved with the Lucifer TV show and comic books. I own nothing and make no money on this. I merely am borrowing the characters for... uh... writing practice.

 

 

“So... what do you want?”

Lucifer looked at Chloe and smiled charmingly.  “Whatever you want, my dear.”

Chloe buried her head in her hands, tempted beyond belief to start bashing her head against a wall.  “Please concentrate, Lucifer.  This is important.  What do _you_ want?”

His brow furrowed.  “Whatever you wish.”

“No -- really!  What do _you_ want?”

“Whatever you desire.”

Chloe hung her head.  They had been having this discussion for the last hour as they sat next to each other on the couch in her apartment.  A week had passed since they had gotten back together after the whole matchmaking debacle, and Chloe really wanted to help Lucifer regain his sense of self worth.  She knew it was practically non-existent, so she figured the best way to bolster him up was to have him start telling her what he wanted -- to make him realize that his desires mattered.  She thought they would start off with something simple, like food -- but it hadn’t been going as planned.

Lucifer was so set on giving her what she desired that he refused to give her any indication of what _he_ wanted -- either that or he felt his needs were so insignificant that they weren’t worth mentioning, and Chloe refused to believe that.  She was sure she could coax out his wants -- she just had to be patient.  Taking a deep breath, she tried again.

“Seriously, Lucifer -- what do you want to eat?”

He frowned at her, looking boyishly adorable in his confusion.  “You keep asking me that, Detective.  I don’t know what you want me to say.”

“Just tell me what you would like to eat for dinner.”

“Whatever you --”

“--Desire.  Right.”  Reaching over, Chloe picked up his hand in hers and squeezed.  “Lucifer, it’s okay to tell me what you want.  You don’t have to give me what _I_ want.  I want what _you_ want.”

The fallen angel’s head reared back as he gave her an odd look.  “But _I_ want what _you_ want, my dear.”

The blonde detective felt as if she was on a hamster wheel, running in circles.  Bashing her head against the wall was starting to look very appealing.  “Please... just tell me what you would like to eat for dinner, and we’ll go there.”

Just as he opened his mouth to reply, Trixie burst out of her room and ran over to them.  “I’m hungry!  Are we going to In-N-Out today?  Are we?”

Lucifer swung his gaze from the little girl to Chloe and said, “In-N-Out.  That’s where we should go for dinner.”  He smiled as he lifted his chin, looking proud of himself.

Chloe had to laugh.  He looked so happy, as if he had just given her the moon, with his face lit up by a big, smug smile and his eyes twinkling with joy.  How could she scold him for not telling her what he wanted when he looked like that?  Sighing, she nodded.  “Okay, fine, you get a pass on this one, but you will tell me what you want eventually.”

It was when the four of them went to dinner -- Lucifer, Trixie, Maze and herself -- that the demon angrily pointed at her with her fries and said, “You gotta stop writing stories about you and Amenadiel.”

Chloe’s mouth fell open.  “But I’m not --”

Meanwhile, Lucifer’s gaze swung to her, sharp and accusing.  “What’s this?”

Trixie chirped, “Maze has been showing me all the stories that star Mommy and Amenadiel.”  She turned bright eyes to the fallen angel.  “I don’t think I’ve met your brother, yet.  Have I?”

“No,” the Devil said and glared at his partner.  “And hopefully you never will, if your mother is harboring hidden feelings for the wanker.”

Chloe chafed under the false accusations.  “Look, I’m not writing anything.  I’m not a writer -- the only thing I wrote is ‘Letting Go’ --”

“And a wonderful story that was, although the ending left much to be desired.”  Lucifer looked at Maze.  “So then why do you say Chloe is writing stories?”

“ImChloeD is writing a lot lately, and a lot of fans are shipping the detective and Amenadiel -- or LuciBro, as he’s called in the stories.  I don’t like it.”  Maze stabbed her fries into some ketchup and stuffed them into her mouth, chewing loudly with a disgruntled look on her face.  “The descriptions of both of them are pretty accurate.  It has to be written by someone who knows them, and with that kind of pseudonym....”

“It’s not me.”

Trixie glanced at the adults.  “Why are you all upset?  It’s not like Mommy is going to run off with Lucifer’s brother.”  She took a sip of her Neapolitan shake.  “I mean, Mommy loves --”

“Okay, are we done eating?” Chloe interrupted as heat burst into her cheeks.  She hadn’t yet told Lucifer she loved him, although she had written it in her story -- and she had no intention of telling him now in front of everyone in a burger joint!  “We really should get going.”

Lucifer wiped his hands on a napkin, oblivious to what the little girl had been about to reveal.  “Yes, I’d like to take a look at these stories myself.”

When they returned to the apartment, Trixie grabbed Maze’s hand and dragged her into her room, asking the demon to tell her all about her latest hunt.  Always happy to relate stories to the bloodthirsty little girl, Maze went without complaint, leaving Chloe and Lucifer alone.

“Well, let’s see these stories that someone’s been writing,” Lucifer said as he eyed Chloe with suspicion.  Rolling her eyes, she went and fetched her tablet from her room.  Handing it to him, she said, “Have a look, but it’s not me.  You know that.”

“Hmm.”  He just looked her up and down before turning his attention to the device.  “I haven’t forgotten that look you gave him when you first met him.”

She thought about throwing something at his head -- like a chair.  Maybe that would end his jealous suspicions!  “We talked about that before --”

“But that doesn’t mean you didn’t give him that... look.”

She flung out her hands and shot a gaze skyward as she struggled for patience.  “Oh for crying out loud -- sometimes I just want to hit you!”

Glancing up at that, Lucifer gave her a hungry grin as his eyes sparkled with mischief and desire.  “Ooooh, really, Detective?  Maybe combined with a little bondage, perhaps?  You could tie me up and spank me --”

She gaped.  “Are you really into that stuff?  Is that really what you want?”

“Of course, if it’s what you desire!”  His eyes lit up gleefully.  “Is it?”

Even now, in the middle of an argument, he wouldn’t tell her what he wanted.  Rubbing her forehead, Chloe wondered if she’d ever be able to reach him and coax _his_ desires out.  She tapped the tablet.  “Just... just look up the story.”

“Very well -- ah.  Here we are.”  His brows drew together as he read.  “Goodness, there are more Detective/LuciBro stories here than I expected.”

“What?  Let me see.”  She started to reach for the tablet but he held it away from her.

“In a moment.”  The crease between his brows deepened as he scrolled down.  His mouth pulled in a tight line as his eyes narrowed.  “Apparently you have a large group of people shipping you and my bloody brother.”  After handing the tablet to her with a sharp movement, he threw himself onto the couch and crossed his arms over his chest.  “Unacceptable!”

Chloe clicked on ImChloeD’s profile and frowned when she saw twenty-three Detective/LuciBro stories posted.  Apparently the writer had been very busy.  Clicking on the latest one about the detective going to a BDSM parlor with LuciBro, she scanned the short 3000 word story.  Lurid was far too tame a word to describe the goings-on in it.  Bile rose in her throat as her stomach lurched, but she swallowed hard to keep from losing her dinner.  Scanning the comments, she noticed that many of the readers seemed to fully endorse the pairing.  One caught her eye:

From TouchedByAnAngel: They've been my OTP since that Lightbringer1 story where the detective yelled at Lucifer’s brother. OMG, SEXUAL TENSION!!!!!!!  And oh, that scene in the fic where they play chess together was totally a metaphor for sex!

Chloe goggled at the comment.  How the hell could anyone mistake a chess game for a sex metaphor?!  Comment after comment from different readers expressed how wonderful the pairing was, but thankfully not all readers were that enamored of the pairing, as indicated in a reply to TouchedByAnAngel’s comment.

From ThisPoetDefinitelyDoesNotWearPrada: Uhh excuse me, but when you get shouted at by your mum or sibling or whatever, is that now sexual tension too? Lucifer's brother is a douche. There is no way the beautiful, strong willed Detective would stand on his side! She is team Lucifer all the way! Surely her standing up to Lucifer's brother proves that!!  Normally I'm not one for OTP shaming or whatever you want to call it but this is just wrong on so many levels!!!

Well, thank goodness for some levelheaded readers!  Placing the tablet on the coffee table, Chloe sat down beside Lucifer.  He instantly shifted away from her -- which hurt.  With narrowed eyes, she glared at him while her mind called him ten thousand times an idiot.

“You think this is me?”  She couldn’t keep the anger from her voice.

Keeping his gaze on his folded arms, the Devil said nothing.

“Oh my god!”  Rolling her eyes, Chloe flung up her arms.  “You gotta be kidding me!”

“Dad doesn’t kid much, Detective,” he muttered.  “He is hopelessly dull and lacks a sense of humor.”

She pinched the bridge of her nose and considered punching him.  When she finally spoke, her voice was low and tightly controlled to keep from screaming.  “Lucifer, you _idiot._  Do you really think I would write these things?”

He glanced at her before turning his attention to the far wall.  “Well... no....”

“Then why are you being such a dope about this?!”

When he turned to look at her, his gaze faltered, then dropped.  He unfolded his arms and clasped his hands in his lap, gazing at them so hard Chloe thought he’d burn a hole in them.  “Right.  I... I remember how you looked at him, and....”

“That was ages ago!”  She wanted to scream -- actually considered it, before taking a deep breath.  “Look, I assure you, when I first met him at the black market auction, it may have looked like I was attracted to him, but I wasn’t.”

He didn’t believe her -- she could see it in the twist of his mouth, his averted gaze.  “I know what I saw.  That look --”

She rolled her eyes.  “I was teasing you, okay?  I don’t get the chance often to get the upper hand, so to speak --”

“You did it on purpose?”  He looked appalled.  “With my _brother?!”_

She took a deep breath.  “Unfortunately, yes.  So please stop thinking I want him instead of you!”

“But... how could you...?”  His eyes filled with pain and turmoil.  Chloe’s heart squeezed as guilt washed over her.

“It was wrong of me, and if I knew how much it would hurt you I never would have done it.”  Sighing, she reached over and squeezed his hands with one of hers as her face gentled and the anger drained from her.  “Lucifer, you’re the one that I want.  You.  Not Amenadiel.  Just you.  Okay?”

She tried to catch his eye.  His shoulders slumped but he nodded as his hands grabbed hers and held on like she was his life preserver in a turbulent sea.  Chloe’s chest tightened as her heart went out to her Devil.  She had a long uphill battle, but she vowed she would keep chipping away at his insecurities until he believed himself to be the man she knew he was.  Readjusting her position, she sat right next to him, so that they were touching thigh to thigh, then rested her head on his shoulder.

“Detective,” he said in that soft, surprised voice he used when she caught him off-guard.  Snuggling against him, she reveled in the feel of him beside her -- warm like sunshine, strong, powerful, yet gentle....  When he released her hand so that he could wrap his arm around her, she finally smiled.

“Just you, Lucifer.  Just you.”

He said nothing in reply, but pressed his cheek against her hair.  They stayed liked that a long time, happy just to be together, until it was time for him to go home.

  


 

________________________________________

  


 

Charlotte Richards sat at her desk, finishing another lurid ImChloeD story on AO3, when there was a knock on her door.  Calling “Come in,” she was pleased to see Amenadiel walk into her office.  Logging off the computer, she swiveled in her chair to face her son with cold and calculating eyes.  She had been expecting him sooner than this, but better late than never.  

“Amenadiel!  What brings you here?” she asked with feigned innocence and a plastic smile.

The angel shoved his hands in the pockets of his jeans as he shifted from foot to foot in front of her.  Charlotte waved to the chair opposite her, where he took a seat.  “There’s... there’s something that’s been bothering me.”

“What is it?”  She already had an idea, of course, but she had to maneuver Amenadiel into doing what she wanted without coercion.  When he hesitated, she coaxed, “Come on, you can tell me.  I’m your mother.”

He bit his lower lip.  “It’s about... Chloe.”

Her eyebrows raised.  “Lucifer’s human?”

“Yeah.”  Rubbing the back of his neck, he rolled his eyes to the ceiling as if torn.  “I... I don’t know what to do.”

Ah, this was going just as she had planned.  “Do?”  She folded her hands on her desk and leaned forward, the very image of a concerned parent.  “What’s going on?”

“Well, apparently Chloe’s been writing these stories on me on AO3 -- really... uh... graphic and sexual stories.  It’s weird.  I know she’s in love with Luci and he with her, so I can’t understand why she’d write such things.”

“Oh my,” Charlotte said with dismay, although her insides were bubbling over with mirth.  “That’s not good -- but maybe she’s not really in love with your brother.  Maybe she’s really interested in you.”

Amenadiel’s jaw fell open.  “No way, Mom.  There’s no way of that -- believe me.”

“Are you sure?”  The blonde goddess’s eyes grew cunning as she smiled at her son.  “You can’t tell me she’s never... you know, looked at you in that special way?”

He ran a hand over his head.  “I... well, there was that one time when she first met me....”

She schooled her face into concern.  “Amenadiel, what if she’s playing your brother for a fool?  She may very well be.  You know how these humans are -- notoriously fickle.  Don’t you think you owe it to your brother to let him know that his lover is coming onto you?”

The angel looked uncomfortable.  “But... I don’t know if it’s really her writing these stories.  What if it’s someone else?  I don’t want to make false accusations --”

Charlotte gave him a sharp look.  “But you think it is....”

Amenadiel ran a hand down his face, pausing at his chin.  “Well, the writer’s pseudonym is ImChloeD.  Who else would have a pseudonym like that except Chloe?  And she knows me well enough to be able to describe me in detail, as these stories do....  Luci’s stories only refer to me as his brother with no real descriptors.”

“It sounds like her to me.”  She shrugged.  “Of course, if you want your brother to continue to be fooled by the human, that is up to you.  I won’t say anything to him.”

The angel frowned.  “If she’s coming onto me, it has to stop.”

Charlotte waited silently, only watching her son.

He finally nodded.  “I’ll talk to Lucifer.  At least give him the heads up.”

She grinned like a shark.  “You’re a good brother, Amenadiel.  Lucifer should be grateful to have a brother such as you.”

 

 


	2. Desires in Hiding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You rock!!

 

 

“I’m going to take you out tonight.”

Chloe’s words jolted Lucifer out of his daydream of having delirious, non-stop sex with her.  For a moment he didn’t know where he was, until he recognized the bullpen in the precinct.  Looking across her desk, where she sat with her elbows propped on its surface and her fingers laced together, he felt his heart melt.  She always did have that effect on him.  As he gazed at her, she rested her chin on her fingers and studied him with twinkling aqua eyes full of mischief.

Shaking off the last vestiges of his fantasy, he tried to regain his composure.  He was thankful that the desk hid his lower half from her view -- she didn’t need to see the after-effects of his daydream!  Clearing his throat, he crossed his long legs and struggled to give her his full attention.  His brows drew together as he frowned.  “I beg your pardon?”

“I’m going to take you out tonight.”  She grinned at him.  “Well, as long as we don’t get a last minute case.”

“You... you’re going to take me out?”  A smile played at his lips.  “Shouldn’t  _ I _ be taking _ you _ out?  After all, it’s the gentlemanly thing to do --”

“And you are a gentleman, there’s no doubt about that... but I want to do something nice for you.  So... what would you like?”

Lucifer stared at her, wondering what she’d say if he said he wanted to have rapturous, passionate sex with her all night long, bringing her to the pinnacle of ecstasy over and over and over --

“You know, to eat?”

Her.  He would cover her with food and eat every single morsel off of her naked body and then some, and of course let her reciprocate --

“Hello?”  Chloe waved a hand in front of his face, snapping him out of his reverie.  “Earth to Lucifer, you there?”

His face burned as blood rushed to his cheeks, and he struggled to put on an impassive mask.  “Ah.  Yes.  I was thinking.”

He must have done a good job at hiding what was going through his mind, for she seemed oblivious to his discomfiture.  Tilting her head at him, she smiled and said,  “Come on, pay attention.  What would you like to eat?”

He stared blankly at her.  “Eat.”

“You know, what restaurant would you like to go to?”

Bloody hell, not the dreaded food question!  “Whatever you desire.”

Her laughter rang out through the office, making his heart beat faster.  “Oh no, you can’t get out of it that easily, Mister Morningstar.  Tonight we are going to go to whatever restaurant  _ you _ desire, and I’m buying.”

Lucifer bit his lip.  He knew Chloe didn’t make a lot of money and was loathe to see her spend her hard-earned cash when he had plenty to burn.  “Detective, why don’t I take you out instead?”

“No way, you are not getting out of telling me where you want to eat.”  She leaned forward.  “Come on, let your hair down for once.”

His brows drew together with that comment.  “My hair is always down.  It can’t help but be, since I keep it short and always neatly trimmed.  Man buns don’t really appeal to me --”

Chloe slapped her palm on her forehead and rolled her eyes.  “Right.”  After running her hand down her face and shaking her head, she looked up at him, her eyes dark and intense.  “Lucifer, I really want to do something nice for you --”

He leaned forward at that, reaching across the table to pick up her hand and squeeze it.  “Just letting me be by your side is nice --”

“But --”

“Right.  Why don’t I take you out tonight instead?  We’ll go to the restaurant of your choice and then dance a bit at LUX.  And maybe, afterwards, we can... well, go upstairs for a spell.  Have a nice romantic end to the evening.  What do you say?”

“But Lucifer --”

“Please.”  He watched as she squeezed her eyes shut, and knew at that moment he had her.  A triumphant grin lit his face.  “Thank you, Detective.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

They ended up meeting at Cafe Beaujolais in Eagle Rock, since she said she wasn’t dressed for anywhere fancy.  Quite frankly, he thought she looked lovely no matter what she wore, but didn’t want to make her uncomfortable.  The restaurant was quaint and unassuming, perfect for a night out after work.

“I’m still mad at you, you know,” Chloe said with a teasing grin while they waited for their food to arrive.

Lucifer’s eyebrows rose.  “Why, Detective -- whatever for?  I chose the restaurant.”

She chuckled ruefully.  “But you had me choose the type of food we were going to eat.”  She shook her head.  “Lucifer, you do know it’s okay to tell me what you want, don’t you?”

His stomach twisted.  Rubbing it absently, he said, “Of course.”

“So why don’t you?”

Just then the food came.  Lucifer was grateful for the interruption, for he didn’t want to answer her question.  With a smile, he thanked the waiter as their food was placed before them.  He peered over at Chloe’s Entrecote Au Poivre Vert -- sauteed New York steak in peppercorn sauce -- with interest.  Her food looked far better than his Pork Aux Pommes Et Calvados -- oven baked pork tenderloin in calvados sauce and apple.  Why was it that her food always looked better than his?

When she saw his covetous gaze, she smiled.  Slicing her steak in half, she beckoned him to pass his plate.  “Come on, we’ll share.”

“Well, you must have some pork, then,” he said as he sliced his tenderloin and put a huge chunk on her plate.  It was odd -- he never had the inclination to share food with any other human, and yet sharing with her filled him with such joy.  He couldn’t understand why it should make him so happy, but it did.  Food also tasted far better when she was eating with him.  He knew it was because of Chloe -- Chloe and his love for her.

“So why can’t you tell me what you want?”

Lucifer sighed.  Chloe was nothing if not tenacious, which made her such a good detective.  The food suddenly tasted like chalk in his mouth.  Setting his fork down, he reached over and drank some red wine as he stalled.  A soft touch on his hand had him jumping.  Looking up, he saw her reaching across the table to take his hand, her eyes concerned.

“Lucifer...?”

He really didn’t want to go into it -- his past, the Fall, and everything else that resulted.  Dredging up bad memories filled him with anxiety, and he wondered what she would think of him when he spoke of how he was just a pawn without free will.  Would she turn away in disgust?  The possibility had him cringing inwardly.

Chloe was still waiting for his answer, so he searched for a response that didn’t reveal too much.

“I do what I want,” he finally said, dodging the question.

She nodded.  “Yes... when no one else is involved.  You do whatever you want, go wherever you want, drink, dance, even help me with cases.  But you always put what others desire first.  Why?”

He pulled his hand away from hers and shifted in his chair, looking anywhere but at her.  A nervous laugh escaped him.  “I told you once before -- I’m the Devil, love.  I’m all about giving people what they desire....”

“Your desires matter, too, Lucifer.”

His gaze fell to the table.  “You’re the only one who thinks so.”  He sighed.  “No one’s ever cared before.  No one’s ever asked about my desires -- not really.  The one time I told someone what I wanted... well.”  He gave a rueful chuckle.  “You know how that ended.”

She winced.  “I’m sorry.”

His voice dropped low as his eyes fell away from hers.  “I’ve been used all my life, Detective.  From the time I was born.  I was only meant to do one thing -- follow orders.  Can you imagine being manipulated your entire life?  With no one listening to you at all?”  He squeezed his eyes shut, for an instant reverting back into the young, neglected angel he once was.  “I never mattered.  Dad was too busy tinkering with humanity in the garage to care.  Mum was too busy trying to get Dad’s attention.  My siblings hated me because they thought Dad favored me.  It was Hell.”

Lucifer was surprised when he heard her chair scrape against the floor.  His head shot up, surprised to see Chloe on her feet.  She was leaving?  Was she disgusted with him?  A horrible emptiness in his chest welled up within him, devouring his peace of mind and leaving only self-hatred.  Well, he should have expected that... after all, who could care for someone such as himself?  He was the Devil....  With a sigh, he closed his eyes again and wished he had never said anything to her.

He heard more scraping against the floor, and opened one eye to peek at what Chloe was doing.  Both eyes flew open when he saw she had moved her dishes across the table and sat down in the chair beside him.  “What are you doing?”

“I can’t talk to you with a table between us.  It may as well be the Pacific Ocean.”  She took his hand in hers and squeezed.  “I’m here, Lucifer.”

He stared blankly at her.  “I don’t understand.”

Her aqua eyes were bright with unshed tears, but her gaze was steady.  “Tell me what happened next.”

“Next?”

“Yes.”

He looked down at their clasped hands as shame flooded him.  “I shouldn’t.  You don’t need to hear this --”

“I want to hear it, Lucifer.  You can tell me.”

Lucifer looked up at her and studied her determined face.  She looked so fierce and yet compassionate, looking as if she really wanted to know.  Biting his lower lip, he considered just laughing everything off, but... this was Chloe.  The only one who cared.  He owed it to her to tell her the truth.

“Very well.”  He took a deep breath, trying to figure out how best to continue.  “After things became intolerable, I went to Dad and asked for free will.  I wanted to escape and be in charge of my own destiny -- be my own man.  His answer was to throw me into Hell.”  He gave a harsh mocking laugh to hide the tears that burned at the back of his eyes.

“I should have known that’s what the bloody bastard would do.  It proved to me what I suspected all along... that what I desire doesn’t matter one whit.  Not one bloody whit.  After I went to Hell, I realized it’s just... safer not to tell anyone what I want, for it can be used against me.  It’s better to be the one holding all the cards.  If I give people what they want, then they owe me -- I don’t owe them anything.  No one can force me to do anything as long as they don’t know what I desire.  I stay in control.  Be my own man.”

The blonde detective’s eyes were wise as they studied him.  “And you don’t get hurt.”  She gave his hand a squeeze.  “But Lucifer... not everyone will use what you want against you.”

A sharp pain pierced his heart, but he rubbed his hand on his chest and willed it away.  “Perhaps, but I can’t be any other way.  It’s my... defense mechanism.  It keeps me... safe.”

She brought his hand up to her cheek and pressed it against her.  “Safe from me, as well?”

Lucifer swallowed hard and said nothing.

“At some point, you’ll have to fully trust someone sometime,” she said.

“Why?  Trust just leads to pain.  Life is much simpler if one doesn’t trust anyone.”  He flicked a glance at her, afraid to see... what?  Condemnation?  He wasn’t sure what he saw on her face, so he forced out a laugh.  “Believe me, Detective, it’s better this way.”

“This is not better.”  She frowned darkly.  “It’s a tragedy that you think this way, Lucifer -- it really is.  I wish I could meet your parents and give them a piece of my mind.”

He gaped at her.  She was jumping to his defense?  But... he was the Devil --

He hadn’t realized he had spoken the words aloud until she stroked his stubbly cheek and said, “Of course I’d jump to your defense!  I lo-- I mean, I care about you very much.”  She glared at him.  “And you are  _ not _ the Devil.”

“But --”

“No.”

He rolled his eyes at Chloe’s stubborn nature, but found himself smiling at her tenacity.

With a sigh, she caressed the side of his neck, coaxing him to look at her.  “Lucifer, you do realize I would never hurt you, don’t you?”  She kissed him gently on the lips, then pressed her forehead to his.  “I’d never use you.  I’d never use what you want as leverage against you.”

“I know, but....”

“Do you trust me?”

“Lucifer’s gaze jerked to hers at her sudden question.  “Of course, Detective!”

Chloe stared at him with perceptive eyes.  “But not enough to tell me what you really want.”

“I....”  What could he say to that?  It wasn’t that he didn’t trust her -- he did.  But he had been taking care of himself for so long, he couldn’t relinquish that kind of control.  Biting his lower lip, he struggled to find the words to explain.

But she didn’t seem to need them.  “I understand,” she said simply, although her eyes held sadness in them.  “And it’s okay.”

As he closed his eyes, Lucifer exhaled slowly.  “You’re the only one who has ever listened... understood... seen the real me.”

He heard the smile in her voice.  “And I like what I see.”

Chloe leaned close and kissed him again.  Lucifer’s heart thumped painfully in his chest as he felt her soft lips caress his, coaxing his mouth open.  The feel of her gently nibbling on his lower lip set his cheeks afire, lighting the arousal within him like a match to tinder.  Keeping his eyes shut, he reached out, his hands catching her around the waist to pull her closer.  Goodness, he wanted her...!

Too soon she drew back and leaned her forehead to his once again.  Chuckling softly, she ran her index finger across his lips.  “Probably not the best place to do this,” she whispered.

“Probably not.”  He took her finger between his teeth and gave it a playful nip as he watched her face flush with desire.  She was so lovely!  The urge to take her right there in the restaurant was overwhelming.  His hands twisted in the shirt at her waist as he struggled for control.  Chloe was the only one who could drive him out of his mind with passion....

“Do you know what I desire, more than anything else in this world?” she whispered, saying the phrase he always used.

He swore to give her whatever she wanted.  “What?”

“I want you to be happy.”

A jolt of electricity ran through Lucifer, as if he had touched a live wire.  She... she wanted him to be happy?  No one had ever wanted that....  Warmth flooded his insides, making his heart beat faster and his breaths come out in short spurts, while the back of his eyes burned.  He couldn’t believe Chloe would want something as simple as that -- not when he’d willingly lay the entire world at her feet if she wished it.

“That’s my wish -- that someday, Lucifer, you will be.”  She stroked his cheek.  “And I hope... I hope that eventually you’ll trust me enough to tell me what you desire.”

He could only stare at her, completely flummoxed.  “Detective....”

“Not now... but someday.”  She smiled at that and kissed him on the cheek.  “Now let’s eat.  I’m starving and I have no intention of seeing this lovely food go to waste.”

 

 


	3. Matters at LUX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You make my work shine!

 

 

After dinner, they both drove separately to LUX.  Lucifer would’ve preferred to have Chloe beside him, but she said she didn’t want him driving to her place and back, when he was already home.  He wouldn’t have minded, for just being near her was intoxicating, but she was adamant.  If there was one thing his detective was, it was stubborn.  The thought of her headstrong expression brought a smile to his face.

He offered his arm to her as they walked into the club.  The loud thumping of the bass reverberated in his bones, although the actual music couldn’t be heard as well over the din of people.  A cool waft of air hit them as they walked onto the landing and headed toward the stairs.  Many clubs were hot and stuffy, which didn’t bother Lucifer one bit, but he prided himself on comfortable premises for his clubgoers.  Besides, he didn’t care for the smell of sweaty humans mixed in with cheap perfume as they danced at a frenetic pace on the floor.

A round of cheers and calls of “Lucifer!” went up as people spotted him.  Waving happily to the crowd, he negotiated the stairs with Chloe on his arm.  They were only halfway down the staircase when two scantily clad women came rushing up to greet him -- twins he had bedded two months prior.

“Lucifer, where have you been?” one woman cried as she latched onto his free arm.

“We missed you!” the other one said as she inserted herself between him and Chloe.  Lucifer felt his partner’s hand fall away from his elbow, and a strange panic fluttered in his stomach.  Before he could turn to find her, though, the first girl yanked his head down and kissed him on the lips.  Then the twins pulled him down the rest of the flight of stairs.

He didn’t want this!  Turning frantically, he searched for Chloe, only to find her still halfway up the stairs, staring at him with a strange look on her face -- a look he couldn’t decipher.  “Detective!” he called as he struggled to pull himself away from the clingy twins.

“Lucifer, we haven’t seen you in ages!”

“Come on, let’s dance!”

“I’m sorry, ladies, I’m engaged tonight,” he said quickly as he tried to detach himself from them, but they wrapped their arms around him and clung like two octopuses.  Bloody hell --

Glancing up again, he was dismayed to see Chloe heading back up the stairs.

_ No -- _

“Detective!”  He raced up the stairs and scrambled to get in front of her, heading off her escape, with the twins still hanging on his arms. “Please, this isn’t how it seems.”

“Oooh, are we going to have a foursome?” one of the twins asked.

“She can totally join us,” the other said.

Lucifer squeezed his eyes shut.  The twins were not making this any easier.  “Ladies, please give us a moment, will you?”

The twins glanced at him, then each other.  Shrugging in unison, they walked back down the stairs, one shoving Chloe’s shoulder with her own on the way down.  The blonde detective watched the two women saunter away before turning to the Devil.

Swallowing hard, Lucifer took a deep breath and tried to smile.  “I’m sorry about that, Detective.  That’s not... that wasn’t --”

“You’re obviously busy,” she said quietly as she made to move past him.

He sidestepped in front of her, blocking her path.  “I’m not sleeping with them.”

“I know.”  Her voice was filled with hurt.  “It just... hurts to see them all over you.”

“They’re clients, love -- they don’t mean anything!”

As she stared deep into his eyes, he felt as if she could see right into his soul.  Biting his lower lip, he wondered what she saw.  An eternity seemed to pass as they stood frozen on the stairs while other patrons headed down to the dance floor.  Finally, she relented.

“You’re right.”  He thought he heard her say to herself, “I can do this,” but he couldn’t be sure over the din of the club.  When she turned to head back down the stairs, Lucifer released the breath he had been holding and scurried to catch up with her.  Reaching her at the bottom, he gave her a charming grin, but she merely looked at him with an inscrutable look on her face, then walked on.

Rubbing the back of his neck, he followed her through the crowded dance floor.    A number of men and women stopped him to chat, or dance, or hug or kiss him.  He politely excused himself from all of them, keeping the mask of civility on, while inside all he wanted to do was yell at them to get out so that he could have Chloe all to himself.

He caught up with her at the bar and saw that his favorite bartender, Hannah, was working that night.  He waved down the petite woman with the curly blonde hair.

“Hannah, darling!  Can you get the detective here anything she wants?  On the house,” Lucifer said, hoping to soften Chloe’s mood a bit.

“Of course, Lucifer!” she said in a British accent that sounded almost Scottish.

His partner just stared at the fallen angel, frowning, before turning to Hannah.  “Can I get a margarita?”

“Coming right up.”

While the bartender set to work salting a glass and making the margarita, Chloe eyed her, then Lucifer.  “She’s cute.”  It almost sounded like an accusation.  “Even your bartenders are beautiful.”

He sighed.  “Hannah’s the best bartender I’ve had since Maze left.  She’s a friend and a good employee.”

Chloe said nothing, merely closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead wearily.

The Devil bit his lower lip.  “Detective, I know this looks bad....”

Chloe picked up the margarita Hannah set on the counter and took a long sip.  “It’s okay, Lucifer.  I have to get used to this.”

Struggling to hear her over the music and the boisterous crowd, the fallen angel tilted his head toward her.  “This?”

“This.”  She motioned to the crowd with her hand.  “Your fan club.  I know it’s part of your nightclub owner persona, but it’s still hard to see them drape themselves all over you.”

His eyebrows rose as a devilish glint twinkled in his eye.  “Why, Detective, are you jealous?”

“Damn right I am.  I told you -- I don’t like to share.”

Warmth burst in his chest at her statement as his cheeks flushed with pleasure.  A silly grin teased his lips and no matter how hard he tried to wipe it from his face, he couldn’t.  Her possessiveness was so charming -- he just couldn’t resist her.  Reaching out, he caressed her cheek.

“You know they don’t mean anything.”

“I know, but....” She pulled away from his touch, surprising him, and turned toward Hannah.  “Thanks for the drink.  You make a mean margarita.”

Hannah grinned.  “My pleasure.”

Lucifer studied Chloe’s profile before a thought hit him out of nowhere.  “Detective, does it bother you that I’ve slept with these people?”

She picked up her drink, grabbed his hand and led him to a quiet corner of the club.  As they sat down on a loveseat, he scrutinized her expression.  Her mouth was pressed firmly together, and she wouldn’t meet his eyes.  Unease began to filter through his insides, making his heart falter a beat before thumping painfully in his chest.

“I... I don’t mind that you’ve had lovers in the past,” she said quietly.  “After all, I was married once.”

“Then what is it?”

He was surprised to see fear in her eyes.  “Lucifer, you’ve had so many women.  What if...”

When she fell silent, he cocked his head at her, trying to figure out what she was trying to say.  “What if...?”

Downing her margarita, she set the glass on the table beside the loveseat and took a deep breath.  “What if I’m not enough for you?”

The fallen angel stared at her, agog.  “You... you’re not serious...?”

Her expression told him she was dead serious.

Lucifer couldn’t believe it.  She was everything he had ever wanted -- loving, kind, caring, brave -- how could she think she wouldn’t be enough?  “Detective --”

Chloe bowed her head, her golden hair shielding her face from his view, as her hands twisted in her lap.  “You’ve had a lot of lovers.  You’re used to having... well... lots of young, beautiful, well-endowed women -- sometimes all at once.  What if... what if....”

He raised an eyebrow at her, encouraging her to go on.  “Yes?”

“What if I don’t meet your expectations?  What if you find me boring?”  As she turned to look at him, he was struck by the anguish he saw in her eyes.  “What if I find you one day in bed with another woman or three?”

Lucifer’s heart clenched at her insecurities.  His confident, brave,  _ perfect _ detective, worried that she wouldn’t be able to satisfy him...?  No one had ever wondered if they were good enough for  _ him. _  No one --

“Detective....”

She shook her head, keeping her eyes averted.  “I’m... afraid, Lucifer.  Afraid you’ll be disappointed.  Afraid you’d have to keep other women on the side... and I couldn’t take that.”

Lucifer sighed and gathered her into his arms.  “You have nothing to fear.”  Tucking a stray golden lock behind her ear, he stroked her cheek before kissing her softly on the lips.  “While it’s true I’ve slept with many humans, none of them were you,” he said softly.  “You can be sure, Detective, that I --”

“Luci, I need to talk to you.”

Lucifer froze at the sound of his brother’s voice, then slowly turned as his eyes snapped with annoyance.  “Bloody hell, what are you doing here?”

Amenadiel glanced at Chloe.  “Hello, Chloe.  I need to talk to my brother for a bit.  Would you mind giving us a moment?”

_ “I _ mind,” Lucifer snapped.  “We’re in the middle of an important discussion here.”

Pulling out of his arms, Chloe shook her head and got to her feet.  “No, it’s okay.  You talk with your brother.”

The fallen angel felt a sinking in the pit of his stomach, and his head suddenly spun.  “But Detective...!”

“It’s okay.  You should talk with your brother.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”  She sighed.  “I shouldn’t have drunk that margarita -- I’ll call Uber for a ride.  Can I leave my car here?”

“I’ll have it delivered to your apartment.”  Lucifer tried again.  “Detective --”

She waved him off.  “I remember the last time you had a conversation with your brother.  Forgive me if I don’t want to be anywhere nearby for the fallout.”  Giving the angel a wide berth, she nodded to him as she walked past him.  “Amenadiel.”

“Chloe.”

Once she had left the club, Lucifer turned angry eyes toward his brother.  “Now what was so bloody important that you had to ruin my time with the detective?”

Amenadiel took a seat on an armchair across from his brother and leaned forward.  “Luci, how... how sure are you of Chloe?”

The fallen angel started at the question, not sure what his brother was driving at.  Raising an eyebrow, he lifted his chin and asked, “What do you mean?”

The other man rolled his eyes as he threw himself against the backrest.  He shot the Devil a hard look.  “I mean... have you looked at AO3 lately?”

“Of course.  Not the fandom pages, but I do go to write --”

“Yeah, well, Chloe’s been coming onto me.”

Lucifer’s stomach clenched at Amenadiel’s words, and he had the overwhelming urge to throw his brother across the room.  Gnashing his teeth together, he attempted to control his temper.  He was determined to find out exactly what his brother was going on about --  _ then _ he’d pummel the sod into the ground.

“Explain.”

Amenadiel shifted in the chair, then stared hard at his fallen brother.  “Chloe’s been writing stories about having sex with me -- graphic sex.”

His blood boiling, Lucifer allowed his eyes to flash red briefly, in warning.  “She has done no such thing.”

“Oh, come on, Luci.  Don’t be a blind fool.  Someone’s writing stories that describe both her and me in perfect detail, and the writer’s pseudonym is ImChloeD.  You can’t tell me that isn’t Chloe.”

“It isn’t.  She said ImChloeD isn’t her, and I believe her.”

“Who else knows I’m your brother, besides Maze?”

Lucifer thought hard.  The douche knew Amenadiel was his brother, but he couldn’t imagine that prat writing tales of sex -- especially of Chloe with another man.  He rubbed his forehead as he thought.  Doctor Linda?  No...  She would never do something that would hurt both Chloe and himself.  There was no one else....

“Look, Luci, I just don’t want you getting hurt.  Humans lie -- you can’t deny it.  They just don’t hold honor in high regard --”

Springing to his feet, the Devil towered over his brother with fists clenched at his sides.  “The detective is honorable!”  His shout reverberated throughout the club, causing silence to fall over the patrons for a few seconds before the din started up again.  Taking a deep breath, Lucifer struggled to get himself under control.  Glaring at his brother, he said, “Right.  The detective said she did not write those stories.  I believe her.  Now, before you say another bloody word, I suggest you go home before I grab the nearest stick I can find and shove it up your feathered hole.”

Amenadiel’s mouth tightened as he rose to his feet.  “Very well... but don’t say I didn’t try to warn you.”

Long after his brother left, Lucifer remained seated in the corner of the club, thinking hard as to who ImChloeD could be.  By closing time, he still hadn’t come up with any answers.  Running his hand through his hair, he decided not to worry about it.  Perhaps it was just... coincidence.  Yes, he was sure that’s all it was, for he believed Chloe when she said she did not write those stories.  Surely it was just a coincidence.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“Mom, Luci won’t listen to me.”

Back turned to her son, Charlotte broke into a grin, pleased that everything was going according to plan.  Schooling her face into a concerned expression, she swiveled in her chair to watch Amenadiel walk into her office.  “Why, what do you mean?”

He walked further inside and sat down in the chair opposite her.  Sighing heavily, he propped his elbow on the armrest and leaned his forehead against his hand.  “I tried to tell him Chloe is coming onto me, but he just wouldn’t listen.  He’s in total denial.”

“Well, that’s understandable -- she has him under a spell.”  Charlotte pretended to think hard, then said, “I know.  We should tell her about her birth.  She doesn’t know yet, right?”

The angel shook his head.  “She doesn’t know anything about that.  But Mom... we can’t just tell her about her birth!  That wouldn’t be right --”

“Why not?  We don’t want her hurting Lucifer, now do we?  And he’d be so hurt that she’s making eyes at you.  If we tell her about her birth, she’d realize that she was made for him.  Then they’d be together.”

His eyebrows furrowed as he studied his mother.  “But... I thought you didn’t want them together.”

The goddess bit her lower lip, trying to look like a caring mother.  “Well, I don’t -- but obviously Lucifer isn’t going to let her go.  And he deserves a little happiness, don’t you think?  Of course, if she continues to write these sexy tales about you even after she knows that your father put her in your brother’s path, it would just prove to Lucifer that she isn’t worthy of him.  And then we can all go home.”

Amenadiel looked uneasy.  “I... I’m not going to tell her, Mom.  That would hurt Chloe --”

“So you’d rather hurt your brother instead?  Your own flesh and blood?”  Charlotte’s mouth tightened.  “I’m disappointed in you.  Since when do you put these puny humans above your own brother?”

The angel shifted in his chair and said nothing.

“Look, why don’t we tell her together?” Charlotte cajoled.  “Let’s all meet at the bar that you met her mother at.  Arrange it, will you?”

His mouth tightened, but he finally nodded.  “Okay, Mom.  I’ll do it for you... and Luci.”

  
  



	4. Ella Gives Advice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You rock!!

 

 

Chloe sighed as she stared at the files piled up on her desk.  She had a lot of paperwork that needed to be done and she should have been working, but instead she found herself thinking of the previous night.  She had thoroughly enjoyed herself with Lucifer, until the whole LUX incident.  It was so hard seeing him with women draped all over him, but she knew it wasn’t the real Lucifer.  The real Lucifer was the one who took her to dinner and did sweet things for her.  The one who protected her, cherished her.  Her heart beat faster just thinking about him.

Sooner or later, though, she knew she’d have to deal with the fact that she might not be enough for him.  He had had so many women -- he was the Devil after all, and very good at giving people what they desired.  She just hoped she would be what _he_ desired in the long run.  Having her heart broken by him was a very real possibility and her biggest fear, for she knew she’d never recover.  But what could she do?  She loved him, heart and soul.

But how did she get past her fears?  She just didn’t know -- but she _did_ know she didn’t want to keep him hanging on forever.  The Devil he might be, but even the Devil had his limits, she suspected.  Besides, she didn’t want to hurt him.  She’d just have to deal with her fears.... eventually.

“Detective!”

Chloe was jolted out of her reverie by Lucifer’s happy greeting.  She watched him weave his way through the bullpen until he stood before her in his navy vested suit with his royal blue shirt.  She had to admit -- he looked mighty fine in it.  Smiling up at him, she put down the file she was holding and gave him her full attention.

“You look awfully happy today.”

He sat down across from her.  “It’s a mighty fine day, Detective, for I’m with you.”

She blushed at his words, touched at his proclamation.  “Well, that’s great!  I have a lot of paperwork to do, so you can help me.”

The smile fell from his face so fast that she nearly burst out laughing.  “You... you’re not serious, are you, Detective?”

Chloe patted the huge stack of paperwork next to her.  “See this?”

He looked crestfallen.  Pouting like a little boy, he said, “But... I had hoped you would be free....”

“Some of us have to work for a living.”  She gave him a crooked smile.  “Not all of us are rich nightclub owners, Mister Morningstar.”

Lucifer grinned, his face transforming from mopey boy to mischievous, seductive fallen angel.  “I could arrange for you to be one, if it’s what you desire.”  He gave her a sultry look.  “Or at least... I can arrange for you to be on the arm of one.”

She lifted an eyebrow.  “You’re going to get me a date with Victor Drai?”

A look of horror crossed his face.  “No!  Me, love, _me!”_  He looked indignantly at her.  How can you possibly want to go on a date with Victor Drai?!  He’s married, and doesn’t hold a candle to me in looks and charm.”

“Yes, I know.”  She gave him a cocky little grin.  “I’m just trying to get your goat.”

“My goat.”  He rolled his eyes at her little joke.  “Why must it be a goat?!  Why not say ‘I’m trying to get a rise out of you’?  For you know you can _always_ get a rise out of me.”  He glanced down at his wedding tackle, then back up at her with a suggestive gleam in his eye.

She chuckled and lowered her voice to a beguiling timbre.  “Actually, there’s only one nightclub owner I want to go out with.”

“Oh?”  Lucifer’s face took on a ruddy hue, and his lips curved upward seductively as he leaned forward.  “Right.  And who might that be?”

Chloe flashed him her most provocative smile.  “Well, that would be... Noah Tepperberg.”

“Bloody hell!”  The fallen angel flung up his arms in disgust as she laughed.  He shot her a dark look, before his mouth finally quirked up.  “You have a devilish streak in you, Detective.  I like it.”

“And guess who I got that from?”

He chuckled in that seductive manner of his as he gazed at her mouth.  “Who indeed?”

Lucifer’s face was so full of lust that she was surprised he didn’t leap over the table and make hot, passionate love to her right there in the precinct.  The look he gave her sizzled with sensuality, burning her on the spot.  Chloe’s heart beat furiously like a hummingbird’s wing as heat climbed up her neck and into her cheeks, and she thought she would faint from the pure hunger in his gaze.  Time stood still as the rest of the world fell away.  All that existed was her, him, and the passion engulfing them.

“Hey, Chloe, here’s the Robinson file you wanted.”

Dan’s voice shattered the spell Lucifer had been weaving around Chloe, and she pulled back as if scalded.  Glancing up, she saw her ex approaching her desk as he flipped through the files in his hand.

“I also brought the Zapata file, since you’ll be --”  Dan finally looked up and saw Lucifer. “Oh.”

An extremely annoyed expression crossed Lucifer’s face.  “Douche.”

The other man’s eyes narrowed.  “Dick.”

Clearing her throat, Chloe hoped her cheeks weren’t blazing red like she suspected they were.  She was tempted to press her fingers to them, but resisted the urge.  Staying cool was the key. “Thanks, Dan.”  Taking the files from him, she set them on her desk.

“Let me know if you need anything else.”  Dan glared at Lucifer before he walked away.

Swinging back to Chloe, Lucifer smiled wickedly.  “Now, where were we?”

She straightened in her chair and fiddled with the files in front of her.  “I believe you were going to help me with this paperwork.”

He grimaced before suddenly rising to his feet.  “And I believe that’s my cue to be leaving.  Fare thee well, Detective.”  He started to walk away before pivoting suddenly on his heel, his face hopeful as he gazed at her.  “Will you be free tonight?”

“I’ll call you.”

She watched him give her a short bow before disappearing down the hall.  Chuckling, she turned to her computer and got to work.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

A few hours later, she had made inroads into the reports she had to write.  Lifting her arms over her head and arching her back, she gave a good stretch.  If there was one thing she hated, it was paperwork.  She longed for Lucifer’s company.  Would it be bad to ask him for a shoulder rub?  Her neck was so tight....

Figuring she was due for a break, she got to her feet and went to find Ella.  The issue of her insecurity with Lucifer was weighing on her mind, and she hoped the cheery lab tech could give her some good advice.  In a matter of minutes, she was knocking on Ella’s door.

“Hey, Chloe!  Come on in!”  The forensic lab tech waved her inside and pointed to a seat beside her.  “Have a seat.”

She perched on the edge of the chair.  “I’m not interrupting anything, am I?”

“Nah.”  Ella stepped away from the microscope and sat on her desk.  “I was just checking a tissue sample.  What can I do for you?”

“I need... some advice.”

“Fire away.”

“Well....”  Chloe shifted in her chair, not sure how to best phrase her question.  Not finding any good way, she decided to just jump in and blurt it out.  “Do you think Lucifer will get bored of me?”

A shocked expression crossed Ella’s face.  “What?  No way!  What makes you think that?”

The detective twisted her hands in her lap, and tried to calm the butterflies in her stomach.  Taking a deep breath, she closed her eyes and said, “He’s slept with a lot of women.  He often has orgies.  I’m just... me.  What if I can’t satisfy him?”

The lab tech leaned over and clasped her hand.  “Lucifer loves you, Chloe.  There’s no way you won’t be able to satisfy him.”

Chloe opened her eyes, her aqua gaze troubled.  “He’s had beautiful women -- young women.  I’m in my thirties and had a child.  I’m not a spring chicken anymore.”

“He won’t care.”  Ella gave her hand a little shake.  “Believe me, that man is totally in love with you.  You’re his OTP.  You could be eighty years old and he’d want you.”

“Really?”

“Oh yeah.”  She nodded with a grin.  “Why, you could be a Horta and he’d still want you!”

Chloe scratched her head.  “A what?”

Ella grinned.  “You know, from Star Trek?”  She blinked at the blonde detective.  “You know, ‘The Devil in the Dark’ episode?  A Horta!  A silicon based life form.  Looks like a giant orange brown blob --”

“You’re comparing me to a Horta.  An orange brown blob.”

“Oh -- well, uh... yeah.  I mean.... Yeah.  Okay.”  Ella cleared her throat.  “Uh... anyway, he’s totally into you, Chloe.  He won’t want anyone but you -- trust me.”

“But... what if I... what if we get together and I find out that he cheated on me because I’m... well, not enough for him?”

“Chloe.  Look into my eyes.”  The lab tech stared hard at her.  “He.  Won’t.  Cheat.  On.  You.”  She broke into a smile.  “I haven’t seen anyone as smitten as him in a long time... and look at all those beautiful stories he wrote for you!  Trust him, Chloe.  I know you have a failed marriage behind you, but not every relationship is going to end badly.  Lucifer trusts you... so why can’t you trust him?”

Why indeed?  She had been trying so hard to get him to trust her that she hadn’t realized that she was holding a part of herself back from him.  Exhilaration burst within her, revving up her heart until she thought it would jump out of her body and do a little jig on its own.  Taking a deep breath, she gave her friend a big smile.  “Thank you, Ella.  You’re awesome, you know that?”

The dark-haired woman grinned.  “Thanks!  So are you!”

When Chloe returned to her desk, the first thing she did was pull out her phone and dial Lucifer.  Her hands trembled so badly from excitement that she nearly dropped the device.  She was going to go out with Lucifer and tonight....  Tonight she was going to seduce her Devil with some good food, a little wine... and lingerie.  She could stop by Victoria’s Secret on the way home and pick up something really sexy that would drive him out of his mind.  She couldn’t wait!

“Hello, Detective!”

She grinned upon hearing his voice.  He had no idea what she was planning.  “Lucifer, are you free tonight?”

His voice dropped down to a throaty purr.  “I’m always free for you, Detective.”

Swallowing hard, she took a deep breath.  She could do this.  “Good.  I’m going to ask Dan to take care of Trixie tonight.  Do you think you can meet me at my place after work?”

“Why of course.”  She heard the curiosity in his voice.  “You sound... different, my dear.  What do you have planned?”

“A surprise.”

“A surprise?  You’ve piqued my curiosity.  What kind of surprise?”

She chuckled.  “If I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise.”

His voice took on a seductive pitch.  “Come on, Detective.  You can tell me.  What kind of surprise?”

“I’m not telling.  Just meet me tonight, okay?”

There was a pause, and in it she could envision Lucifer pouting in her mind’s eye.  “Oh, very well, Detective.”

“Tonight, Lucifer.”  Chloe matched his sultry voice.  “You won’t be disappointed.”

Then she hung up, grinning like a fool and feeling like the world was in the palm of her hand.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

“I need to talk to you.”

Chloe stared up at Amenadiel, surprised to see him in the precinct.  She had been working nonstop, trying her best to get her reports written so that she could go home and see her Devil.  “About what?”

He took a seat in the chair opposite her desk and stared at her.  It unnerved Chloe, to have him watch her like a snake studying its prey -- unblinking, unmoving.  Clearing her throat, she decided to take control of the conversation.

“So... what did you want to talk to me about?”

The angel looked away for a moment as he slouched in the chair.  When his gaze returned to hers, it was razor sharp.  “You say you care for my brother.”

Puzzled over the question, she replied, “I do.”

“Then why are you writing stories about you and me?”

Chloe gaped at him.  She knew exactly what he was talking about, and was flabbergasted that he thought it was her.  “I’m not!”

“Oh come on, Chloe, I’m not naive, like Lucifer.  ImChloeD?  Who else can it be?”

Anger started burning in her stomach as she clenched her teeth.  “I have no idea, but it is not me.”

He snorted.  “Seriously, Chloe?  You don’t expect me to believe that, do you?”

The urge to smack Amenadiel’s face was overwhelming, but Chloe bit her lower lip and tried to keep her temper.  It wouldn’t do to assault him in the police station, of all places... and he wasn’t his brother.  She knew Lucifer would never hurt her, but Amenadiel?  His temper was an unknown quantity.

“It’s the truth, whether you believe it or not,” she ground out.

For a long moment he was silent as he looked across the bullpen.  When he turned back to her, his eyes were intense.  “There’s something you need to know.”

Chloe’s eyebrows rose at his ominous tone.  “Okay.  What is it?”

The angel shook his head.  “Not here.  When do you get off work?”

“Five o’clock today.”

He thought a moment.  “That will do.  There’s a bar I need you to meet me at.”  Getting to his feet in one swift motion, he grabbed a pen and post-it notepad off her desk.  He scrawled an address on the pad and handed it to her.  “I’ll see you at five thirty.  If you want the truth, don’t tell Luci.  He’ll try to keep it from you.”

Before she could say another word, Amenadiel marched off.  Chloe watched him weave his burly frame between desks and around detectives until he disappeared from view.  Puzzled, she glanced back down at the address.  What could the angel possibly want to tell her that Lucifer wouldn’t want her to know?  And did this have anything to do with Lucifer’s meeting with him yesterday?

Something inside told her not to go, to just forget about the whole thing, for something was terribly off....  But she needed to know the truth.  Besides, she was a Decker.  She could handle whatever Amenadiel threw at her.

She pulled out her phone and shot off a text to the Devil, giving him the heads-up that she might be a little late.  Afterwards she tried to return to work, but found it hard to concentrate.  Worry gnawed at her soul as she waited for five o’clock to come around.

 

 


	5. Learning the Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You're awesome!

 

 

Chloe pulled open the heavy metal doors to the bar and walked inside, pausing at the entry to let her eyes adjust.  The place wasn’t too crowded, although there were a number of people there for happy hour.  “Bar” and “cocktail” in neon lights illuminated the wall behind the bar, and another red neon “liquor” sign glared at the back.  Hundreds of photos were pinned on the wall to her left as she walked in.  Loud voices filled the air, mixing with boisterous laughter and the thump of glasses on the tables.  The air smelled like nachos and fries -- not usually a bad smell, but it churned Chloe’s nervous stomach.

Something about Amenadiel’s demeanor when he said he had to tell her something left her queasy and her heart fluttering frantically in her chest.  Adding to her unease was his comment about Lucifer trying to keep the truth from her.  She shook her head as she bit her lower lip.  Whatever he had to tell her could not be good, but she was a cop.  She had to know the truth.  And she was a Decker -- she could handle whatever he threw at her.

Spotting Amenadiel sitting with a blonde woman whose back was turned to her, Chloe started threading her way through the people to the table.  As she approached, the angel waved her over and his friend turned.  Charlotte Richards.  Chloe froze in her tracks.  She did not like that woman, and couldn’t understand why she was there.

“Chloe, come on, sit down.”  Amenadiel pulled out a chair for her.

The hairs on the back of Chloe’s neck started to rise as she neared, and her breath caught in her throat.  The wrongness of the meeting stood up and screamed at her.

_ Get out, get out now -- _

“Well, if it isn’t Lucifer’s little human.”  Charlotte looked at her, immobilizing her with her cold, reptilian gaze.  “Come.  Sit.  We have a lot to discuss, you and I.”

The detective gave Amenadiel a narrow-eyed look.  “You said you had something to tell me.  I wasn’t aware that it had to do with Charlotte Richards.”

The blonde woman laughed.  “Oh, I’m not Charlotte Richards -- well, not the Charlotte Richards everyone thinks I am.  I’m Lucifer’s mother.”

Chloe gaped at her.  “Excuse me?”

“She’s the goddess of all creation, and Luci’s and my mother.” Amenadiel said.  “Sit down, Chloe.  You look pale, like you’re about to pass out.”

She sat.

“How... how can you be....”  She tried to gather her thoughts which had scattered every which way like runaway cats.  “I didn’t even know that there was....”

Charlotte’s face tightened.  “You can thank my husband for that.  After he threw me in Hell, he tried to eradicate all traces of me from the world.  And yet... here I am.”  She gave a grin worthy of a hyena.  “Escaped from Hell and occupying the body of one Charlotte Richards.”

Chloe rubbed her forehead, trying to catch her breath as her heart skipped a beat before pounding out a fierce tattoo.  “Escaped Hell....?  But --”

“Oh, enough of this.  Stop acting so surprised,” the blonde goddess snapped.  “I know you know my son is the Devil, and that Amenadiel here is an angel.  Why be so shocked that an actual goddess is in your midst?”  She leaned forward on the table, her eyes catching Chloe’s gaze and not letting go.  “Besides, we’re here to talk about  _ you.” _

“M-me?”

“Haven’t you ever noticed how Lucifer is when you’re near?  He’s different when he’s with you.  Mortal around you.”  Charlotte gave her a smug grin.  “Haven’t you ever wondered why?”

Chloe was speechless.  She  _ had _ wondered why she made Lucifer mortal, but hadn’t dwelled on it too much -- she just chalked it up to some strange quirk of fate.  Now her stomach dropped in anticipation of whatever the goddess and angel were going to tell her.  It wasn’t going to be good -- she could tell that already.  Her hands involuntarily tightened on the table edge as if preparing for a blow.

“Chloe, believe me, we wouldn’t be telling you this if we didn’t think it was imperative that you knew,” Amenadiel said.  “You see, you’ve been writing these erotic stories about you and me on AO3, and it’s hurting Luci --”

Chloe could feel herself growing flush with anger as her gaze swung to the angel.  “I did not write any such thing.  That isn’t me --”

“Don’t be ridiculous.  Who else would it be?” Charlotte snapped.  “We’re here to tell you that you can’t go on hurting Lucifer willy-nilly, because you were made for him.”

“Made...?”  The detective squinted at the goddess. “Excuse me?”

Amenadiel took a deep breath and clasped Chloe’s hand, drawing her attention back to him.  “Thirty-five years ago, Father sent me down here to bless a couple who couldn’t conceive.”

“That couple was your mother and father,” Charlotte crowed.

For a moment Chloe just sat there, trying to understand the words they had just spoken.  They swirled in her brain, not making any sense.  Rubbing her forehead, she squeezed her eyes shut.  “I don’t understand --”

“God  _ put _ you here.”  The goddess sounded positively gleeful.  “You weren’t supposed to be here.  You weren’t even supposed to exist.  My husband -- God -- put you here to be Lucifer’s girlfriend.  That’s your purpose in life.  The  _ only _ reason why you’re here.  Because Lucifer needed a girlfriend.  A custom-made girlfriend.”

A horrible chill permeated Chloe’s bones like a winter frost.  Everything inside her turned to ice as she struggled to comprehend what Charlotte and Amenadiel were telling her.  Her mind instantly denied it, screaming that it was all lies.

“This... this can’t be right,” she whispered.  “There’s some mistake.”  She shook her head violently.  “No.  I’m Chloe Decker.  I’m a cop.  I’m more than Lucifer’s girlfriend.  I’m me --”

Charlotte put on a mocking, pouty face.  “Oh, you poor little human.  Your puny brain can’t handle the truth, can it?  But it’s going to have to face the facts.  You’re  _ nothing. _  My husband wanted Lucifer to have a girlfriend, so he made you and threw you into my son’s path.  It’s as simple as that.  You serve no other purpose than that.”

No no no --

Chloe’s eyes desperately searched out Amenadiel’s.  “This is a lie -- it has to be.  You have no proof --”

The angel sighed heavily and stood up.  “Come with me.”  He led them both to the wall covered with photos and pointed to one in the center of the board.  “That was taken thirty-five years ago.”

The blonde detective stared up at the photo on the wall, instantly recognizing Amenadiel sitting across from a very young Penelope Decker.  With shaking hands, she took the photo down from the wall and stared at it.

“This can’t be....”

“It’s the truth, Chloe.  I’m sorry.”  The angel gently pried the photo from her fingers and reattached it to the wall.  “I blessed your mom, so that they could have you.”

Strange sensations swept through Chloe -- black spots before her eyes, coupled with dizziness and strong nausea hitting her stomach.  A rushing sound reverberated through her head, deafening her to everything except its roar.  She staggered against Amenadiel as her suddenly boneless legs buckled under her.  The angel’s strong hands caught her, kept her from falling, but she didn’t even feel them.  All she could feel was cold -- terrible cold -- numbing her extremities and sending chills throughout her body.

“I... wasn’t even supposed to exist?” she asked him in a weak, thready voice.  “I... I’m only here because God wanted Lucifer to have a girlfriend?”

“I’m sorry, Chloe.”  Amenadiel’s eyes were full of pity.

“I’m... nothing.”  She couldn’t think.  This couldn’t be true.  It just couldn’t be.  She was more than nothing, wasn’t she?  Or had God been controlling all of her movements from the time she was born, guiding her, influencing her life so that she would eventually meet Lucifer?  Had he shaped her so that she was perfect girlfriend material for his son?  Was she nothing more than a toy for Lucifer, to be played with, then set aside when he outgrew her?

Did she have absolutely no free will at all?!

Chloe wanted to pass out.  It would be so easy to just close her eyes and let oblivion take her.  Maybe she would wake up from this horrific nightmare... but she refused to show weakness to Charlotte, who was revelling in her pain.  Although she swayed dangerously,she let go of Amenadiel and stood on her own two feet.

“I’m more than just a girlfriend,” she said in a wobbly voice.  “I’m Chloe Decker --”

“Oh, so brave,” Charlotte sneered.  “Too bad it’s all for naught.  You’re nothing but a tool my husband made to get Lucifer to heel --”

Chloe slammed her fist into Charlotte’s face.  As she watched the woman fall to the floor and the angel rush to help her, she wished she could feel satisfaction... or anger... or something.  Anything.  But she felt nothing, for she was nothing.  Nothing at all.

Stepping over the cursing goddess, she strode to one of the metal exit doors and pushed the panic bar to open it.  Without a backward glance she walked out of the building, but although the sunlight beating down upon her was warm against her skin, it could not dispel the chill in her soul.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

After Chloe left the bar, she drove around aimlessly as she tried to process what she had been told.  She finally found herself at a beach in Malibu.  The traffic on Pacific Coast Highway had been horrendous, but she hadn’t cared.  Nothing mattered.  Her brain was in a strange fog.

Finding a parking space had been fairly easy, since the sun was just setting and the air had grown chilly.  She was grateful that there was no one about.  She wanted privacy.  She quickly locked up her guns and hid them under the front passenger seat -- she wouldn’t need them here.  Hiking down to the beach, she trudged through the sand until she reached the shoreline, tossed her jacket onto the sand, then kept right on walking.  The water broke over her boots, soaking them, but she didn’t care.  Soon the tide had risen to her calves, and still she kept walking.  It wasn’t until the water reached the middle of her thighs that she finally stopped, feeling the tide pull her forward and back, swaying her body like a piece of kelp.

“Why?” she screamed at the sky, the ocean, the world.   _ “Why?!” _

Tumultuous thoughts went round and round her head, dizzying her.  What the hell was she supposed to do now?  She wasn’t even supposed to exist!  Why was she even on Earth? To be the Devil’s girlfriend?   _ That _ was her purpose?  What the hell kind of purpose was  _ that? _  Her whole life had been a lie.  It meant nothing.  She meant nothing.   _ Was _ nothing.

Nothing....

But she did have Trixie.  Trixie -- her baby.  Her saving grace.

Who wouldn’t even be alive if she hadn’t been brought to life by God.

Gripping her head, Chloe desperately tried to stop the thoughts that threatened to drive her insane.  It was only when a particularly large breaker washed over her, soaking her, that she was able to get a hold of herself.  Shoulders slumping, she headed back to the beach.

For the first time in her life, she felt completely dead inside.  Not even when her father was murdered had she felt so empty, so lifeless, so... hopeless.  She had no purpose.  She wasn’t supposed to exist.  What was her point in even existing now?  Dan could take care of Trixie.  She was just a useless husk of a human being.

Collapsing on the sand next to her jacket, she curled up into a little ball.  Shivering as the cool night air touched her wet clothes, she squeezed her eyes shut and prayed for sleep.  Maybe she would wake up and find out that this had all been a nightmare.  The sand, still filled with latent heat, felt warm and rough against her cheek, in direct contrast to her clammy skin.  She didn’t care.  Maybe she’d get sick and die.  Then she’d be where she should have been all this time -- non-existent.

Her jacket started to sing, jolting her from her apathy and alerting her to an incoming text.  Eyeing it like it was a dangerous viper, she slowly reached over and pulled her phone from one of its pockets.

Glancing at the screen, she saw she had a number of voicemails and texts.  Ignoring the voicemails, she checked the texts.  From Lucifer.  Of course.  The reason she was alive.  She scrolled through them.

5:15 pm.  I’m here at your apartment, ready for your surprise!  :D

6:00 pm.  Did you get held up at work? You mentioned you might be late, but you aren’t answering your phone.  A new case, perhaps?

6:30 pm.  The Douche has taken your little human to dinner.  Where are you?  Are you all right?

6:45 pm.  Detective, you aren’t returning my calls.  Are you all right?

6:55 pm.  Detective, please answer.  I am worried.

7:00 pm.  Detective, are you all right?

7:03 pm.  Detective

7:04 pm.  Detective

7:05 pm.  Detective

Chloe sighed as the phone gave another notification of an incoming text.  It was Lucifer, now texting every minute.  How was she to face him?  How could she even look at him?  She was his ready-made girlfriend.  The thought twisted her insides.  She didn’t want to just be his girlfriend -- she wanted to be  _ her. _  Why couldn’t she be herself?

Rubbing her forehead, she debated what to do.  Ignore him?  No.  Lucifer wasn’t one to be ignored.  He’d probably call the station and get a ping on her phone, then track her down.  No, she’d have to face him.  Taking a deep breath, she texted him.

_ Coming home now. _

It took her fifteen minutes just to gather herself, get to her feet and drag herself to her car.  She had to pull herself together, but what was the point?  What the hell was the point?  Her life meant nothing.  She meant nothing.  She didn’t know how she was to live, from this point forward.

But... maybe Lucifer would tell her this was all a lie?  Maybe he would tell her that God hadn’t put her here as his ready-made girlfriend.  Maybe... just maybe he’d tell her everything was going to be okay -- this was just some stupid mistake.  They’d laugh about it over a bottle of wine.

Holding onto that hope, she started the car and began the drive home.

 

 


	6. Fallout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You rock!!

 

 

Lucifer knew something was wrong -- he could feel it in his bones.  When Chloe hadn’t answered his phone calls, he felt the niggle of something bad at the back of his mind.  When she didn’t respond to his texts right away, the niggle expanded into worry.  As more time passed, the worry exploded into panic.

He couldn’t explain the feelings.  They nibbled on him, like emotional rats chewing on his soul, fraying him around the edges.  She had sounded so excited earlier in the day, with her talk of a surprise.  It wasn’t like her to keep him waiting like this and not respond.  It wasn’t until Chloe finally answered his last text that he felt a sigh rattle through him, shaking the rats off of his soul and giving him a modicum of peace.

Pacing the the floor of Chloe’s living room like a caged lion, he waited for her, unable to sit still.  She had said she was coming home, and yet she still hadn’t arrived.  He wondered what had happened to delay her.  New case?  Or something else?  She rarely ignored his phone messages.  It had to be something bad.

At last when he heard the front door knob turn, he felt as if a heavy weight had been sloughed off of his back.  Reluctant to show Chloe how worried he had been, he planted himself in the living room and watched the front door open to see her walk in.

After shutting the door behind her, she turned to face him.  “Lucifer....”

The fallen angel took one look at Chloe and rushed to her side, concerned to see her pale countenance and her shaky appearance.  Her wet clothes were coated with a fine dusting of sand, and even more sand clung to her damp tendrils of hair.  She looked as if she had been chewed up by a sea monster, then spit out onto the beach.  Bloody hell, what had happened?

Wrapping one arm around her waist while the other held her forearm steady, he walked her to the living room and sat her down on the couch.  He grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped it around her shoulders.

“Right.  I’ll draw you a warm bath, love.  You’re soaked through --”

“No.”  Chloe shook her head, looking more frail than he’d ever seen her.  “No bath.”

“But --”

Her aqua eyes appeared even bluer against her white skin.   _ “No.” _

“Very well.”  Biting his lower lip, he took a seat beside her.  Unsure of how to help her, he gently rubbed her cold hands in his, trying to get some warmth into them.  “What happened, love?  What’s wrong?”

She looked at him, her eyes big and full of pain.  “It’s.. not true, is it?”

His eyebrows drew together and he frowned.  “Is what not true?”

Chloe squeezed her eyes shut.  “Am I... was I....”

Puzzled over her strange behavior, Lucifer cocked his head and studied her.  “What?”

She just shook her head and pulled her hands away from his, then moved down the edge of the couch -- away from him.  He tried to close the gap, but she held up a hand and shook her head again.  “No.  Stay where you are.”

The separation felt like a physical blow to Lucifer.  Something horrible must have happened.  His insides churned as if someone had grabbed a hold of his innards and twisted, and the blood drained from his face.  “What... what is it?”

Her face white, Chloe asked, “Was I... not supposed to be born?”

Bloody hell.  No.  No no no nononono --

This wasn’t happening.  It couldn’t be.  Shock speared through him, rooting him in place on the couch.  As he took in her hunched, defeated posture and her aqua eyes dull and lifeless, anger stirred to life within him, setting fire to the tinder inside.  His eyes flared into burning embers that brightly glowed.  No one hurt his detective.   _ No one. _

“Who told you that?”  It had to be either Mum or Amenadiel.  He’d kill them.   _ Kill them -- _

Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head.  “It doesn’t matter.”  When her eyes opened, they were hard and cold, like a hawk’s.  “Tell me it isn’t true.”

He opened his mouth, then shut it as his rage drained out of him as quickly as it had come.  As his eyes regained their dark appearance, he struggled to find the words to answer her.  He didn’t know what to say.  Telling her the truth would destroy her, and he couldn’t hurt her like that.  And yet, it looked like someone already had.  Biting his lower lip, he thought hard how to navigate this emotional landmine.  He didn’t have enough experience with human emotions to do it successfully. “Chloe....”

She must have seen the truth on his face, for she suddenly turned sharply away.  When she spoke again, her voice was hoarse.  “How long have you known?”

“Detective --”  He reached for her hand, but she yanked it away and pressed herself hard against the armrest of the couch, cringing away from him.

“How long, Lucifer?”  Her face was a mask of rage when her head whipped back around to glare at him.  “Have you known the entire time?  Did you know when you first met me?”

“No --”

“Is that why you wanted to be partners with me?  Because I was your fricking, custom-made  _ girlfriend?!” _

_ “No!” _  Rubbing his forehead, the Devil squeezed his eyes shut and struggled to stay calm.  “No, I didn’t know until....”

Her eyes narrowed dangerously.  “Until...?”  Her voice was sharp and biting when she said, “Tell me.”

“Chloe --”

_ “Tell me!” _

He bowed his head.  What could he do but tell her the truth?  He couldn’t lie to her.  “Until Amenadiel told me....”

“Amenadiel...?”  He could see the gears in Chloe’s head turning as her eyes narrowed.  “Back when we were meeting with Ellen-Elizabeth.  It was then, wasn’t it?  When I came up to the penthouse, you were so angry....”  She rubbed her forehead.  “ You... you asked me if I knew.  It was this, wasn’t it?  What you were asking?”  Hysterical laughter erupted from her lips, loud and mocking, as she looked skyward with overbright eyes.

Her reaction scared the fallen angel.  He didn’t know what to do.  He moved closer to her and tried to take her hand once again, but she yanked free from him. “Don’t touch me!”

A tight band wound its way around his chest, squeezing tight and shortening his breath.  Her rejection felt like a stab in his chest with a very large, very sharp knife.  Swallowing convulsively to get rid of the lump in his throat, he tried again.  “Chloe... love --”

“Don’t ‘love’ me, you --”  Without warning, she threw herself at him, punching and beating him in anger as tears flowed from her eyes.  “You bastard!  Why didn’t you tell me?  You knew and you didn’t -- bastard!”

Lucifer took it all, letting her pummel him as his heart broke for her.  He’d let her kill him, if it would take her pain away.  Tears burned at the back of his eyes, but he blinked them back.  He didn’t know how to make this better.  How was he supposed to fix this?  How...?

Chloe’s blows eventually lost their strength, and she let Lucifer wrap his arms around her as she wept into his chest.  He held on tightly, willing her to feel better, as helplessness swamped him.  He desperately wanted to take away her pain, but didn’t know how.  Rocking her back and forth, he whispered nonsensical words to her until the storm passed.

Gradually she relaxed against him, but made no move to embrace him.  Her stillness was even more frightening than her anger.  Rubbing her back, he tipped his head to try to catch her eye.  Her eyes were squeezed shut, and they were still leaking.  Bloody hell.  Tightening his grip, he nuzzled her hair.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly.  “I didn’t want to hurt you.  I didn’t want you to know....”

She said nothing, merely shivered in his arms.

“Right.  Look, I don’t know how to make this better, but I’d do anything to fix it.”

She shook her head against his chest.  “You can’t fix it,” she said in a weary voice.

“I can try.”

“You can’t.”

Chloe’s lack of response to his embrace worried him.  Very tenderly, he gently swept her hair from her face and kissed her forehead.  “Please... I can’t bear to see you like this.  What must I do to make this better?”

When she said nothing, he tipped her chin up and looked at her.  What he saw was frightening.  Her eyes looked... vacant.  Emotionless.  Her face was still terribly pale and haggard, and her posture was slumped, as if all life had drained from her.  Lucifer sucked in his breath as she flinched away from his touch.

After a long minute, her eyes finally raised to meet his, and the fallen angel saw an infinite amount of sadness in them.  “I’m not supposed to be here, Lucifer.  I’m not even supposed to exist.”

Lucifer’s insides roiled like a turbulent sea.  “But you do, you’re here --”

“But I’m not supposed to be.”  Her voice was flat.  Dead.  “My entire life is a lie.  My only purpose in life is to be your girlfriend.”  She looked away.  “Everything I’ve done up to now... none of it has been real.  Nothing I’ve done had any meaning.  I’m just a toy your father threw in your path.  I thought I was helping people --” her voice broke, “-- but no.  I’m nothing.”

“That’s not true,” he said, giving her a little shake as desperation drove his voice a little louder.  How could he get through to her?  “Detective, you’ve done a world of good.  What about all of those bad guys you put away?  The lives you saved?”

“It’s not real --”

“It is real!” he cried.  “Bloody hell, it is!  You’re here!  You’ve done so much --”

“It means nothing.  I’m nothing.”

He shook his head fiercely.  “That’s not true.  It’s not.  You know it’s not --”

“Do I?”  Pulling out of his arms, she hunched on the edge of the couch.  “Your father made me.  He’s been controlling everything I’ve done up to this point to make sure I ended up in your life.”  She laughed harshly as tears sparkled in her eyes.  “Did God kill my father just so that I’d become a cop?”  Turning to glare at Lucifer, she snarled, “Did he?”

Her anger, hotter than the fires of Hell, blistered his soul.  Lucifer swallowed hard.  “I... I don’t know, Detective.”

“My father was a good man.   _ A good man. _  How could God kill him just to make sure I crossed your path?  How could he do this?!”

He didn’t know how to respond, except with, “Dad is a manipulative bastard.”

Chloe ran a hand over her face, as if bone weary.  “My father didn’t deserve to die just so that I would end up with you.”

The words, so carelessly said, caused more pain than if she had gutted him with one of Maze’s blades.  Biting the inside of his cheek, he bowed his head.  What could he say?  She was right.  She had been made, manipulated, and used, all because of him.  This was his fault.  His....

“I... I’m sorry,” he whispered.

He doubted she heard, for she just looked off into space.  “I don’t know what to do or how to feel anymore.  Everything I’ve ever known is a lie.  All that I’ve done... is worthless.  My life has no meaning.”  She stared down at her hands.  “But I’m more than just the Devil’s girlfriend.  I am more than a pawn.  I am.  I have to be.”

“Of course you are.”  And she was -- far more than just his girlfriend.  She was a fantastic detective, a wonderful mother, a fine partner....  She was perfect, in Lucifer’s eyes.  But he didn’t know how to make her see that everything she had done up to this point had worth, or undo the damage that had been wrought.  This bitter, angry woman was a stranger, and he didn’t know how to resolve things with her.

Trying once again to somehow reach the Chloe that he knew, he edged closer to her and picked up her hand in his.  When she didn’t pull away, he gave it a squeeze.  “Detective, I’m sorry for what my father has done, but you’re here now.  And everything you’ve done matters.”

She turned to him once again with those dead eyes.  “No, it doesn’t... but I need to find a way to make my life worth something.  You... you need to leave me alone.”  Shutting her eyes, she took a shuddering breath before opening them again.  Her gaze was direct.  Clear.  Firm.  “I need to know that I can be who I am without you.  I need to be me, and I can’t do that as long as you’re in my life.  You need to go.”

Lucifer was stunned.  Everything inside of him screamed in anguish as he sat back and stared at her.  It was the last thing he had expected her to say, although he should have realized it would come to this.  Nothing good in his life ever lasted.  “Detective....”

“No.  I’ve done my duty.  I met you.  Now tell your dad to go to Hell.  I need my life to mean something.  It doesn’t when I’m with you.”

It was the most painful thing anyone had ever said to him.  Not even when he had been cast from Hell had he felt such agony.   _ But what about me? _ his brain cried.  Didn’t it matter that he thought she had worth?  Didn’t it matter that he loved her?  He wanted so badly to be with her, to love her, to take away her pain....  But his desires never came into it, did it?   And he understood what she was feeling.  He had been manipulated all his life, so he was used to his father’s machinations.  This was her first exposure to dear old Dad.  Of course she would be furious and wanting to strike out... and if hurting him made her feel better, he’d gladly endure the pain.  Swallowing hard, he nodded.  “Very well.”  His chest hurt, as if a giant empty void had suddenly appeared and swallowed his insides, cutting off his breath.  “Is... is this goodbye?”

She turned away.  “Yes.”

Blackness crowded his vision.  This couldn’t be happening.  No... no....  How would he live without her?  How could he survive without her sweet kisses, her impulsive hugs, her friendship, her courage?  How could he live, knowing that she was in the world but hated him?  It was his worst nightmare come to life.  He had no idea it would hurt this badly.

“For....”  Was that his voice, so thin and hoarse?  “Forever?”

For the first time the dead look cleared from her eyes, giving him a glimpse into the torture she was enduring.  “I...”  Her voice broke.  “I don’t know.  Maybe.”

He bowed his head.  It was a death sentence.  “Understood.”

Like a broken man, he pulled himself to his feet.  Somehow managing to put one foot in front of the other, he reached the front door before turning to look at her.  “I... I wish you every happiness, Detective.  I never....”  He thought a moment, trying to find the right words to say.  “I never meant to hurt you.”  He took a deep breath.  “I know... I know you’re angry at Dad for bringing you into the world, but I’m not.  You’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and I don’t regret a single second.”  He turned toward the door and grasped the knob.  “Be happy, Detective.”

“Lucifer --”

He paused at her soft call, but didn’t turn around.

“ -- I’m sorry.”

He straightened at that, pulling his pride up from off the floor.  He reminded himself that he was the Devil -- the fallen angel who had been exiled from Heaven thrown into Hell.  He had endured the excruciating agony of burning as he Fell.  The rejection of one insignificant human couldn’t hurt him -- or so he told himself.  With a sharp, jerky movement, he whipped the front door open and forced himself through.  If this was what it took to make her happy, then so be it.  He could endure the pain for her.  Everything for her.  Chloe always came first.

And if his heart shriveled into a blackened knot of charcoal in his chest, well, that was the price he had to pay.  Taking a deep breath, he forced himself to walk to his car, not understanding why he still lived when he felt like corpse.

 

 


	7. Confrontations with Family

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You rock!

 

 

Upon leaving Chloe, the fallen angel headed over to see his mother.  He hoped Amenadiel would be there, as well.  Rage built up within him as he drove, making his head pound and his blood boil.  The need to tear their heads off burned within him.  Parking the car haphazardly, he jumped out and headed inside the office building.

Lucifer walked into Charlotte Richards’ office and studied the woman behind the desk.  Clad in a white dress with a black jacket and her hair styled in an intricate bun, she looked polished and professional, just like an attorney should, save for the black eye she sported.  Chloe had apparently given his mother a mighty wallop -- good.  Pride shot through him at the thought of his detective punching his mother in the face.  The woman deserved it.  After all, Mum was like a shark, even resembling one when she broke into a wide smile at seeing him.  He wondered how in the world she could look so happy when she had just destroyed Chloe’s world -- and his.

“Lucifer!” she greeted.  “What a surprise.”

His eyes narrowed.  “Is it?”  He turned to his brother sitting in the chair next to Charlotte’s desk, dressed in a slouchy cap, jeans, and a tee shirt.  “Amenadiel.”

The angel gave a brief nod of his head.  “Luci.”

Lucifer’s jaw clenched as he studied them.  This was his family -- his bloody manipulative family -- and right now he hated them with a passion.  “You both had to do it, didn’t you?”

Amenadiel had the grace to look away, while Charlotte rose to her feet and rounded the desk.

“Do?  Do what?”  She walked up to him and reached for his arm, but he took a step back, keeping space between them.  Her brow furrowed at his actions.  “What’s wrong?”

“Don’t play me for a fool, Mother.”  Baring his teeth at her, the fallen angel jammed his hands in his pockets to keep from strangling her.  “You know exactly what’s wrong.”

Charlotte stared at him blankly, which just stoked Lucifer’s rage.

“The detective, Mother!  You and Amenadiel just had to tell her, didn’t you?”

The goddess of all creation dropped all pretense at innocence and shrugged as the smile fell from her face.  “You mean tell her of her birth?  Yes.  I figured she was entitled to know the truth.”

“The truth?”  Lucifer let out a mocking laugh.  “Since when have you ever been so concerned about her welfare that you felt the need to tell her the truth?”

Amenadiel stood up and faced his brother.  “Look, we didn’t want to hurt Chloe, but she had to know she was made for you.  She was coming onto me, after all --”

“She doesn’t have any bloody feelings for you, and she did  _ not _ have to know!  Do you know what you’ve done to her?  You told her she was never meant to exist!  You’ve destroyed her!”

“Lucifer, stop it,” Charlotte said sharply.  “She needed to know that she was all part of this horrible plan of your father’s.  If anyone is to blame, it’s him.”

Rounding on his mother, the fallen angel let his eyes flare red.  “That may be so, but you are to blame for all of her suffering!”

The goddess sighed.  “Look, son, the real person you need to blame is your father.  If he hadn’t interfered in the first place, she wouldn’t be suffering.”  She gave a chuckle.  “She wouldn’t even exist --”

“Don’t say that!”  The fallen angel gnashed his teeth.

“But it’s true.”  Charlotte sidled up next to her son and wrapped an arm around his shoulder as his eyes reverted to dark brown.  Lucifer tried to pull away, but she only tightened her grip.  “Lucifer, your father is the one causing you all of this pain.  He’s the one who used Amenadiel like a pawn and sent him to bless your precious human’s mother.  He’s the one who threw her into your path.  He knew you’d end up together.  He’s been controlling you from the start.  If there’s anyone to be angry at, it’s him.”

Squeezing his eyes shut, Lucifer tried not to fall prey to his mother’s seductive voice, which wound around him like a snake.  She made so much sense, and truth be told, he’d love to tell off dear old Dad, face to face.  As he drew his brows together, he struggled to keep in mind what his mother had done to Chloe.  Chloe, who was all that was good in the world.  Chloe, who had never done anything to harm him, who had cared for him... loved him.  Poor, shattered Chloe who didn’t feel like she had any worth because his mother had told her that she shouldn’t have existed.

His detective hated him, yes, and for her sake he would never see her again -- but that didn’t mean that he would leave Earth.  As long as she existed in the world, he would stay... for he loved her with everything he had, everything he was.

Shaking his head in an effort to clear if from the suffocating web Charlotte was weaving, he said, “I... can’t.  As long as the Detective is here...  I can’t go.”

His mother gaped at him.  “But you can’t possibly want to stay with her!  She’s attracted to Amenadiel, even though she was made for you!”

“She is  _ not _ attracted to him!”  Lucifer stared hard at his mother.  “Besides, I still love her.”

“How can you still love her?  She’s a pawn of your father’s!  He used her to get to you!”  She shook her head.  “I don’t understand you.  She’s an insignificant human who means nothing in the grand scheme of things --”

“Don’t say that!” he snapped.  “She’s not insignificant!  She has worth and purpose --”

“Her purpose is to get you to heel like a dog by your father’s side!”  When he winced, Charlotte ran her other hand up his jacket lapel and softened her voice.  “Come on, son.  Don’t you want revenge?  Wouldn’t you want to tell your father to his face about how angry you are that he’s manipulating you?  Manipulating us all?  We can, you know.  You have power, even without your wings.  I can feel it in here.”  Charlotte tapped his chest with her index finger.  “Come on.  We can all go.  Your anger burns bright enough to take us all back.”

It was tempting.  Oh, so tempting.  Even though he knew he’d never do it, the fallen angel closed his eyes and considered it.  He could storm Heaven and give a piece of his mind to his father.  He could tell off that manipulative bastard....

“Let’s all go back together, and then you can tell your father off to his face.  Come on -- bring us back home, son.”

Lucifer’s eyes snapped open.   _ Bring us back home.... _  All the pieces clicked into place and comprehension dawned as he gazed at his mother.  Shoving Charlotte away from him, he glared at her with all the hatred he felt.

_ “Bring _ you back home -- because you can’t do it yourself.  That’s... that’s why you’ve been trying so hard to get me to go back with you, isn’t it?”  He barked out a discordant laugh.  “All this time....”  His eyes glowed red as he glared at her.  “You’ve been playing me.”

Amenadiel took a step forward.  “Now, Luci, Mom wouldn’t do that --”

“Oh?”  He gave his brother a feral grin.  “Really?  You think you know our viper of a mother so well?”  He swung back to look at Charlotte.  “You’ve been manipulating me.  All this time -- all this bloody time...” He chuckled, then roared with laughter tinged with madness.  “Oh this is just rich!  I should have known.  Bloody hell, I’m a fool!”

“Lucifer --”

“Shut up, Mother.”  Circling the goddess, he studied her with contempt.  “You had the detective kidnapped... had her kidnapper demand to see my real face so that she’d turn against me, didn’t you?  So that I’d go home with you -- nay,  _ take _ you back home.  That’s what this has been all about, hasn’t it?  It hasn’t been about me at all.  You don’t even care about hurting me, so long as you get what you want.  But I haven’t been cooperating, have I?  Because of the detective --”  For a moment agony swept through him at the thought of Chloe, but he pushed it away and laughed again.  “And now you’ve turned her against me for good, just to get me to bend to your will -- bloody hell, you’re just as bad as Dad!”

Amenadiel stepped in front of his fallen brother.  “Don’t talk to Mom that way --”

The Devil spun on his heel.  “Why not?  She’s a manipulative bitch --”

Amenadiel punched Lucifer, throwing him across the room.  The fallen angel staggered to his feet, wiping the blood from his mouth as his berserker fury took a hold of his senses.  He chuckled -- a harsh, ugly sound. Running full tilt at his brother, he tackled him, punching him twice across the face before the angel kicked him away.

“Stop it!  Both of you!” Charlotte yelled, making the two pause in their fight.  “Now is not the time.”  she turned to the Devil.  “We’re not your enemy, Lucifer.  Your father --”

“Stop!  Just stop with your bloody machinations!”

His mother’s mouth dropped open at his tone.  “Is that any way to talk to your mother?!”

“I’ll talk to you any way I like!” he roared.  “I am sick and tired of being used!  Dad uses me, you use me -- it’s all about what  _ you _ want.  Do you even give a damn about  _ me?  _  Did you ever consider that maybe  _ I _ don’t want to go along with your bloody plans?  Doesn’t what _ I  _ want matter?”

“Of course what you want matters,” Charlotte said.  “Where are you getting these bizarre notions?  But you must remember that I’m your mother and I know what’s best for you --”

_ “Stop it!  _  Haven’t you heard a word I said?!”  Pulling himself to his feet, he straightened his clothes and glared at her.  “Right.  This stops here and now.  Keep away from me -- both of you.  I’m done.  No more.  I’ll not be a bloody pawn in your celestial war against Dad.  If you want to have a fight with the bloody old man, then you leave me out of it.”

Lucifer started heading toward the door when Charlotte’s voice stopped him.  “Where are you going?”

He turned and looked his mother up and down with disgust.  “Anywhere away from you.”  With that, he walked out the door and slammed it behind him.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The drive back to LUX did little to calm his ire.  The thought that his father and mother were both using him for their own purposes had him furious.  And who was the one who suffered from collateral damage?  Chloe.  His detective, who had never done anything to deserve such treatment.  It wasn’t right that they played fast and loose with her life, or his.  The temptation to crash into a wall and destroy the car in a fury was great, but he restrained himself.  That wouldn’t serve any purpose, except to wreck a beautiful car.

When he reached the penthouse, he stormed onto the balcony.  Staring up at the night sky, he yelled, “Dad!”

Of course there was no answer, nor did he expect one.  His father was a coward when it came to facing his very angry son.

“Dad, you manipulative bastard, are you happy, now?  Eh?  You had to step in and throw the detective in my path, didn’t you?  Why?  Didn’t you know how much the truth would hurt her?  Didn’t you know how much it’d hurt  _ me?!” _  Tears burned at the back of his eyes as he glared at the stars.  “Did you really think I wouldn’t find out?  Bloody hell, what kind of game are you playing?  Answer me!”

The only thing the fallen angel heard was the very dim sounds from the streets below.

“But you never did care who you hurt, did you, as long as you got to play your bloody chess game.  Well, Dad, you win!  I’m done!  I’m not playing anymore.  Go manipulate someone else -- I’m through!”

He started to head inside, before he paused and looked up at the sky once more.  “You need to make this right.  I don’t care about me, but the detective....  She should have never been involved in any part of your machinations.  The one good person on this bloody planet -- the one good....”  His voice broke.  Clenching his teeth, he struggled for control.  “You really hurt her with your stupid games, Dad, and she didn’t deserve that.  She didn’t deserve any of this!  She’s suffering because of  _ you, _ so make it right, do you hear me?”  Tears filled his eyes as he stared up at the sky.  “Please -- for her.  If you ever gave a bloody damn about me at all, then do this one thing and help her!  Please!”

Of course there was no answer.  Bastard.

Shoulders slumping, Lucifer headed inside the penthouse.  He doubted his father would help -- the manipulative tosser had absolutely no compassion.  Taking a deep breath, he looked around him.  Memories assailed him -- of Chloe sitting next to him on the piano bench, of her and her little spawn making him dinner when he had been injured, of her giving him warm hugs when he desperately needed them.  It was all gone, now.  All of it.  He had lost her forever.  She’d never grace his penthouse again.

Desolation slammed into him, stealing his breath and ripping his heart out.  How would he ever survive without her?  He couldn’t.  He just... couldn’t.  Falling to his knees, he wept bitterly -- a broken angel.

 

 


	8. Talk with Linda

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huge shout out to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You rock!

 

 

Life without Lucifer was... strange.

Chloe wasn’t sure what she was expecting when she had said goodbye to the fallen angel.  Perhaps for her life to suddenly turn around and have meaning...?  It didn’t happen.  Instead she drifted into deep depression.  She went through the routine of her life -- going to work, taking care of Trixie -- but the world had lost all its color.  

There were no more surprise breakfasts already prepared for her in the mornings, no partner telling her that paperwork was boring, no new stories on Archive of Our Own.  No phone calls, no texts.  Nothing.  It was as if he had ceased to exist.  A few times she was tempted to stop by LUX just to see him from a distance, but she refrained.  Seeing him would go against everything she was fighting for.  She had to make her life mean something without him.  She had to know that she had a reason to exist, other than to just be his girlfriend.

Lieutenant Monroe told her that Lucifer called to say he had gone on extended leave, so Dan would be her new partner in the interim.  Chloe had merely shrugged and accepted her new partner.  Her ex was wise not to ask about Lucifer, and she didn’t offer any information.  But as the days turned into weeks, he asked her one day if she wanted to join him for dinner.  She didn’t really care, so she said yes.

Their dinners became a regular thing.  Every night Dan would come over and eat with her and Trixie.  Most of the time they ate in, but sometimes they went out for a burger.  Maze watched with narrowed eyes, looking like she wanted to tear Dan’s guts out, but said nothing.  Trixie seemed happy to have her father back, but every once in a while, a sad expression would cross her face.  Chloe tried not to notice it, for the one time she had asked, Trixie had bawled her eyes out, crying for the fallen angel.

Weeks turned into months, and still nothing seemed to matter.

She and Dan started working on a new case -- a particularly harrowing one of a serial killer kidnapping young girls, then torturing and murdering them.  The monster left their bodies in Griffith Park to be found by hikers.  Chloe worked around the clock, pushing herself to the point of exhaustion as she struggled to crack the case.  At last she found the missing clues she needed to track down the serial killer.  She managed to rescue the next victim -- a thirteen year old girl -- while Dan ended up shooting and killing the suspect.

Once they returned to the precinct, Dan pulled Chloe aside into one of the conference rooms and whirled her around in his arms.  “We did it!  We got that son of a bitch!” he cried, laughing right before kissing her.

It felt... strange.  Off.  The wrongness of it drove her to kiss him back with as much passion as she could muster.  Surely she could be with someone who wasn’t Lucifer?  After all, she wasn’t his girlfriend. She wasn’t a pawn.  She had free will....

“Wow,” Dan breathed, a smile playing at his lips.  “Chloe, I...”

For a long moment he stared into her eyes, searching for... something.  And then he kissed her again, harder this time.  His tongue teased hers as he deepened the intimacy.  Pulling her closer, his hands roamed over her back, holding her tightly against his body so that she could feel every inch of him.

She should have felt something.  She should have been happy.  And yet all she could think was that she wanted Lucifer’s arms around her, Lucifer’s lips upon hers....  Squeezing her eyes shut, she finally pulled away.

“I’m sorry,” she said in a wobbly voice.  “That... that was a mistake.”

Dan’s eyes were full of desire.  Passion.  Hunger.  “It didn’t feel like that to me.”

“No, it was.”  Chloe shook her head.  “I can’t... I just....”

“Don’t overthink it,” he said as he placed his finger on her lips, silencing her protests.  “Look, I still love you, Chloe.  We were great together before, and we can be again....  Give me another chance.”

This was wrong.  So wrong.  And yet she desperately wanted to feel... something.  She didn’t want to be dead inside any longer.  And Lucifer was out of her life....

Dan was still talking.  “I’ll come over tonight and we’ll talk.  We can tell Trixie we’re getting back together.”  He gave her a quick peck on the cheek before running out of the room, whooping with joy.

A deep sense of foreboding overtook Chloe, but she struggled to push it away.  She was more than just Lucifer’s girlfriend, and she was not defined by him.  It was time she started her life over, without him.  She could do this.  Yes.  

That evening as she typed up the case report on the serial killer, a woman approached her desk.  Chloe recognized her as the mother of the teen who had been rescued.  Getting to her feet, she beckoned the woman to have a seat in the chair across from her.

“What can I do for you?” Chloe asked.  “Can I get you a cup of coffee?”

“No, no,” the woman said as she wiped the tears from her eyes.  “I wanted to thank you.  You saved my daughter’s life.  If it wasn’t for you, she would have been tortured and dismembered just like the others....”  She took a deep breath.  “My daughter and I will thank you every day for the rest of our lives.  We’re truly lucky God put you on this Earth to help us, and to help others.  You make a difference.”

Her words gave Chloe pause.  Was that what she was on this Earth for?  To help others?  Not to just be Lucifer’s girlfriend?  It had her thinking hard... thinking so hard, in fact, that she stopped by Linda Martin’s office on the way home.

She didn’t know if the doctor would see her.  After all, she didn’t have an appointment, but it was near the end of the day and she hoped Linda would be free.  Noticing that the light was turned off by the door to the office, Chloe took a chance and knocked.  At Linda’s “come in,” she poked her head around the door.

Linda looked up from writing in some files and blinked in surprise.  “Chloe!  What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Linda.  Do... do you have a few minutes to spare?”

The therapist closed the folders on her desk and waved to the couch.  “I always have time for one of the tribe.  Have a seat!”

Chloe perched on the edge of her seat, wondering how to ask Linda her question.  Rubbing the back of her neck, she gave the doctor a worried glance.  Would Linda think she was insane for talking about the circumstances of her birth?  Not knowing how to approach the subject, she stayed silent and just looked at the doctor.

“So what’s up?” Linda asked.

“I... I wanted to talk to you about something, but....”  Chloe gave a rueful laugh.  “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

The other woman cocked her head then adjusted her glasses.  “I’ve heard a lot of crazy things. Why don’t you try me?”

“Well....”

Bringing up Lucifer was painful, as well as hard.  How was she supposed to tell Linda that she had been working with the Devil?  And that Amenadiel had blessed her mother so that she’d be born?  It sounded too insane, even to her ears.  Still, she had to try.  She took a deep breath.  “I found out something about Lucifer that’s... unbelievable.”

Linda got up from behind her desk and took the seat in the chair opposite the couch.  “Like he’s actually the Devil?”

Chloe started.  That was the last thing she expected the therapist to say.  “You know?”

“He... showed me a while back.  It took time for me to come to terms with it, but Maze helped me through.”

Maze?  She sent up a little thank you to the demon.  Letting out a huge breath, the detective sagged against the backrest and gave the therapist a little smile.  “Oh, I’m so relieved.  I didn’t know how to tell you.”

Linda’s eyebrows climbed toward her hairline.  “Is that all you wanted to discuss?”

“No.”  Chloe leaned forward and rested her elbows on her thighs.  “It just makes things easier.  I found out that... well, that I was never supposed to be born.  Amenadiel blessed my mom so that she could conceive.”

The therapist stared at her for a long moment.  “I... see.  So you’re... Jesus?”

“Good god, no!” Chloe cried.  “No, no.  I don’t have any powers or anything like that.  And my birth wasn’t an immaculate conception -- I know Mom and Dad had sex.  Amenadiel just... blessed my mom.  I’m not sure how that worked, but here I am.”

“Oh thank god!”  Linda gave a nervous little laugh.  “I was so afraid we were looking at the end of the world here, with you being the second coming of Christ.”  She breathed out a big sigh, then regarded Chloe with perceptive eyes.  “But you  _ are _ special -- Lucifer always said you were.”

Chloe’s heart gave a little jump at the Devil’s name, but she couldn’t bring herself to ask about him.  “Yes... well, anyway, I found out that the only reason I’m here on Earth is to be his girlfriend.  I’ve been feeling... lost.  It seemed like everything I’ve done has been negated.  I feel like... nothing.”

“Hmm.”  The therapist thought for a moment before nodding.  “That’s very understandable.”

“I mean, what’s the purpose of my life?  Has anything I’ve done had any meaning?  I’m more than just a girlfriend, right?  I’m a human being, and I have purpose, right?  But what is it?  Have I had any free will at all, or has God just been moving me around like a chess piece?  Did God kill my father so that I’d join the police department?  I’ve been struggling with all of this.”

Linda nodded.  “And so this is what you wanted to talk to me about.”

Chloe looked up sharply at Linda.  “No.  Not... really.”  She flung up her arms.  “I don’t know.  It’s just that today... a woman came by to thank me for saving her daughter.  She told me God put me here to help people.”

Linda cocked her head at her.  “And how did that make you feel?”

“For the first time since I found out about the circumstances of my birth, I feel like... maybe I do have a purpose.  I mean, I wasn’t defined by Lucifer.  I wasn’t just his girlfriend.  I was able to help her by myself, on my own.”

Linda lifted an eyebrow as she came to attention.  “On your own?  Without Lucifer?”

Chloe ducked her head, ashamed but unable to understand why.  “Yes.  Without him.”  Heat rose up her neck and into her cheeks.  “I... I haven’t seen Lucifer in three months.”

Linda’s eyebrows lifted, then she pursed her lips.  “I see.  Well.  That explains a lot.”  The therapist fell silent, leaving Chloe to wonder what she meant, before she said, “And what do you think your purpose is, then?”

“I think that maybe... maybe it’s to help people.”

Linda nodded.  “And that’s a fine purpose.”

Chloe shifted on the couch, unable to explain why she felt guilty.  She shouldn’t feel guilty, should she?  She had done what she needed to do, to survive -- to make her life count.  And yet....

“I couldn’t be around him,” she said suddenly, anxious to explain her separation from the Devil.  “I felt like I was nothing when I was with him.  I had to prove that I was still me -- that I had free will.”

“Fair enough.  But you do have free will, Chloe.  Just separating from Lucifer proves it.  Do you think God would let you reject him if he was trying to force you both together?”

The detective’s mouth fell open.  Linda had a point.  Still....  She shook her head.  “I just couldn’t stay with him.  I felt...empty.  Worthless.”

“You’ve always had worth, Chloe, “ Linda said.  “Even before you met Lucifer.  You’ve done a lot of fine police work --”

“But that was because God killed my dad, which had me joining the force --”

“How do you know that?” The therapist leaned forward.  “Your father was in a very dangerous profession.  There’s a good chance God had nothing to do with him getting killed.  It was your father’s choice to become a police officer.  One thing I’ve learned from Lucifer is that we humans have free will -- something God didn’t give the angels.  We choose our own paths, Chloe.  Sure, God may have had more of a hand in your creation than others, but I don’t believe he killed your father.”

Chloe considered this, turned it around in her mind.  Was that true?  Had God not killed her father?  Had that been due to his own choice in deciding to investigate Deputy Warden Perry Smith?

“And it was your choice to join the police force.  You could have said, ‘I’ll be an attorney to prosecute scumbags like the one who killed my father.’  You didn’t have to be a cop.  That was your choosing -- yours.  No one else’s.”

“But....”  The detective rubbed her forehead.  “But God threw me in Lucifer’s path.”

Linda nodded.  “Okay, that’s a fair assumption.  Let’s put that aside for a moment.”

“Okay.”

“Do you love Lucifer?”

Chloe thought hard.  “I do.  I mean... I did.  Well, I did before all of this....”  She waved at everything around her.  “All of this mess.”

The therapist adjusted her glasses and leaned forward.  “Chloe, do you blame Lucifer for God throwing you in his path?”

“Of course not!”  She stared with shock at Linda.  “He didn’t even know until Amenadiel told him.”

“Then why don’t you still love him?”

Why didn’t she?  Chloe bit her lower lip as she stared at her hands in her lap.  Did she?  Yes... yes, she still did love him.  Buried under all the anger and hopelessness... the love was still there.  “I... I do still love him.  I was just so angry.  I wanted to feel like me again, not some useless extension of someone.  I wanted to hurt God for making me into less than nothing.  I wanted to strike out....”  She pressed her hands to her cheeks as her words sunk in and she realized just who she had struck out at.  “Oh no... oh, what have I done?”  

Linda straightened and crossed her legs.  “It’s completely understandable, Chloe.  No, sit down, We’re not done,” she said as Chloe started to stand.

“But I have to go to him, to apologize --”

“You can, after we finish.  Sit.”

Wondering what more the therapist had to say, the detective sat back down.

Linda took a deep breath and said, “I believe we’re all here for a purpose.  In my case, it appears I’m to be the Devil’s therapist.  And in your case, it’s to help people.”

Chloe wondered what Linda was driving at.  “Yes.”

“But what if your purpose is not just to help people, but maybe one specific person?”

“I... I don’t understand.”

“What if God knew that helping people was your purpose?”  The therapist bit her lower lip, then said, “Maybe he never meant for you to be ‘just a girlfriend’ to Lucifer.  What if he knew that only deep, true love could help his son?  Maybe your purpose is to help people, yes, but also help Lucifer.

“Think about it.  He’s the most maligned figure in the history of the world.  He’s had horrible relationship problems with his father and the rest of his family, and he was tossed into Hell.  He’s horribly scarred, both inside and out.  Maybe God knew your capacity for love was so strong that it would be able to help Lucifer -- help redeem him.  Pull him out of his suffering and let him be... free.”  

Chloe gaped at Linda.  Was that her purpose?  To save Lucifer?  She had never thought of that.  Her mind went to her fallen angel, who had indeed suffered from so much abuse from his family, and was hip-deep in self-loathing.  He had wept when she had told him about his positive attributes, had been moved when she asked him about what he desired... and when she tried to separate from him because she made him mortal, he had begged to let him stay by her side.  He had told her that she was the only one who had ever cared for him.  And what had she done?

She had abandoned him.

“Oh, dear god.”  Chloe suddenly sprang to her feet.  “Linda, thank you.  I can’t thank you enough.  I... I have to go.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Chloe drove like a crazy woman to LUX.  Her heart pounded fiercely, while her insides quivered like jelly.  Her hands twisted on the steering wheel, over and over, as she tried to calm down.  It had been three months, but hopefully Lucifer would give her the chance to apologize.  But what if he didn’t?  What then?  

No, she couldn’t bear to think of her life with Lucifer not in it.

For the first time since she had found out about her birth, she felt... alive.  Like the world had suddenly righted itself again.  Everything around her shone vividly, as if photographed with highly saturated color film.  And things finally felt... right.  She loved Lucifer, heart and soul, and nothing would ever change that.  She didn’t even care if he no longer wanted to have anything to do with her, and slept with different women every night.  She had no more pride left -- three months away from him had been far too long.  She’d take whatever he was willing to give her.  She didn’t care.  As long as he let her stay by his side, that was all that mattered.  Nodding to herself reassuringly, she pulled up to the valet at LUX.  She could make this right.  She had to.

Patrons were just beginning to file into LUX.  Pushing her way past them, she hurried into the club.  Quickly scanning the floor from the landing, she looked for Lucifer’s tall figure, but didn’t see him.  As soon as she realized he was not there, she took off running down the stairs to the elevator.  She hit the call button repeatedly, willing the elevator car to come quickly.  Once the doors opened, she threw herself inside and pressed the penthouse button over and over.

As the elevator shot up toward the sky, Chloe stared up at the electronic display of the level on the wall and willed it to change faster.  She tapped the side of the car with her hand, then paced in a circle as it continued its upward trajectory.  When the doors finally opened, she threw herself out of the elevator and into the penthouse.

She was surprised at how dark the room was.  It was never completely dark as it was now.   Sure, it was night, but Lucifer usually kept some lights on.  Standing frozen like a deer in the headlights, she listened for any kind of sound.  Nothing.  Foreboding filled her at the deathly silence.

“Lucifer?” she called out as she reached for the nearby lightswitch.  Flipping it on, she gasped.  Sheets draped all the furniture, resembling spectres in the abandoned room.  The penthouse was still... empty.  Devoid of life.

Shaking her head in disbelief, she slipped to the floor as her legs lost all strength and refused to carry her.  A soft cry escaped her.  “No....”

Lucifer had left Los Angeles.

 

 


	9. The Search for Lucifer

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You are awesome!

 

 

For a long time, Chloe just sat on the floor of the penthouse, unable to move.  Shock rooted her to the ground -- shock, sadness, guilt, and a whole host of emotions she couldn’t even name.  Her mind kept replaying the last time she had seen Lucifer and how she had shoved him out of her life.  What had she done?  Dammit, _what had she done?!_

And now he had vanished, gone to who-knows-where, all because of her....

Wait -- did Lucifer still have his phone on him?  Maybe she could talk to him... or at least get a ping on his phone.

Hope caused her hands to tremble violently as she pulled out her phone and dialed.  When the call went straight to voicemail, indicating his phone was turned off, she wanted to throw the damned device across the room.  Instead she gave a strangled scream before putting it away.  Panic filled her.  What if she couldn’t track him down?  What if he was gone forever?  What if she never saw him again?  She squeezed her eyes shut.  It would serve her right, but no.  She couldn’t think that way.  If she thought that, she’d go insane.  She’d find him.  She had to.

The urge to vomit was overwhelming.  Swallowing convulsively, she fought for control over her emotions.  She pushed the nausea away -- now was not the time to be sick.  She could be sick later -- after she found Lucifer... for she _would_ find him.  She was a Decker, and she was going to make this right if it killed her.

Pulling herself to her feet, she thought hard about where her Devil might have run.  He had three months’ start on her -- an eternity! -- but chances were that he’d hunker down somewhere and she could catch him.  Maze would probably know where he was.  Hopefully the demon would tell her.

The drive home to her apartment had never felt so long.  Self-flagellation threatened to drown her, but she pushed it away.  She had no time to be beating herself with a stick, no matter how much she wanted to.  She had a Devil to find.

As she walked up the stairs to her apartment, she was surprised to hear someone calling her name.  Turning, she saw Dan jogging from the parking lot toward her.  For a moment she just stood and stared, her brain not comprehending why he was there.

“Hey,” he said with a smile as he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

Chloe froze.  What the hell was he doing?!

And then the memory of that afternoon returned.  With all of Linda’s revelations and Lucifer’s disappearance, she had completely forgotten that she had kissed him earlier in the day.  Quickly pulling out of his arms, she backed away and swallowed hard.  Her heart clenched at Dan’s bewildered face.  She didn’t want to hurt him, but there was only one man for her -- Lucifer Morningstar.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

“Look... I’m really sorry,’ Chloe said as she wrapped her arms around her waist.  “This is wrong.  I never should have kissed you.”

Her ex gave a little laugh.  “What are you saying?”  He took a step forward, but she shook her head and held out her hand to stop him.

“No, Dan.  This afternoon was a mistake.  A big one.  I’ve been feeling depressed with Lucifer gone, and... I’m sorry.  It was just wrong.”

He blinked.  “I... what?”

Oh god, he looked like a puppy dog she had just kicked.  How could she make this right?  “I’m sorry.  There’s no excuse for my kissing you --”

A chuckle escaped him.  “Look, Chloe, if this is some game you’re playing --”

“It’s not.”

He gaped at her, his face growing pale.  “But there was passion in your kiss!  You kissed me back!”

She hung her head as she felt the blood rush from her face.  “I know, and... I’m sorry.”

Dan stared at her, disbelieving, before shaking his head.  “No,” he said with a laugh.  “No, you’re not serious.  This is some game --”

Chloe rubbed the back of her neck.  God, this was hard.  “No game.  I can’t be with you.  I’m sorry.”

“Why not?”

She owed him nothing less than the truth.  “I... I don’t love you.”

He studied her for a long moment before shaking his head.  “No.  This is a mistake.  You’re making a mistake.”

“I’m not --”

“But _I_ still love _you!”_  His voice dropped down to a snarl.  “And I’m not giving up -- not without good reason.  I’ll get you and Trixie back.  I swear.”  Turning on his heel, he stormed away.

Chloe stared after him with regret in her eyes.  The last thing she had wanted to do was hurt Dan, and yet she had -- badly.  It seemed all she did was hurt the men in her life these days.  Rubbing her forehead, she mentally kicked herself.  She had never meant to use Dan as a substitute for Lucifer, but she had so desperately wanted to feel something -- _anything._  She’d have to find a way to make things up to him as soon as she got her Devil back.

Turning to head to her apartment, she nearly jumped out her skin when she found Maze right at her elbow.  A yelp of surprise escaped her as she clutched her chest.  “What the hell are you doing here?”

The demon smirked.  “I saw Dan pull up in the parking lot.  I came down to chase him away when I saw you both talking.  I had no idea you break every single man’s heart you come in contact with.”  The smirk became a full-on grin.  “I like it.”

“Yeah, well...”  Chloe shrugged.  “Believe me, it’s not intentional.”

“Looked pretty intentional to me.”

The detective wondered if strangling a demon constituted murder?  She took a deep breath and told herself it wasn’t worth it.  “Do you know where Lucifer is?”

Maze’s gaze became razor sharp as the smile fell from her face.  “Why do you want to know?”  She bared her teeth, and Chloe had the sudden urge to take a step back.  “You going to break his heart even more?”

She winced.  She deserved that.  “No.  I want to bring him back home.”

The demon suddenly relaxed, and even smiled.  “Well, it’s about time!  I was wondering how long it was going to take you to come to your senses.”  She crossed her arms in front of her chest, and tapped her fingers on her upper arm.  “Damn fool made me promise not to even mention his name in front of you.  Said he didn’t want to hurt you any more than you already had been.”  She peered at Chloe.  “What the hell happened between you two?”

Grimacing, she rubbed her forehead.  “Amenadiel and Lucifer’s mother told me about... well, how I was conceived.”

Maze blinked.  “Oh.”  Then she flung up her arms and yelled, “I should have known that bitch was to blame!  She screws up everything for everyone!”

“That she does.”  Chloe chewed her lower lip for a moment, then asked, “So... do you know where I can find Lucifer?”

“The last I heard, he had holed up in a casino called Aria in Vegas.  Haven’t heard from him in a while, but I suspect he’s still there.  You know, money, sex, drugs... everything a Devil could want.”

Well, it was a place to start.  The detective nodded.  “Okay.  I’ll call my mom to take care of Trixie.”  She gazed out at the parking lot, feeling regret about Dan.  “I can’t ask Dan, now.”

“Pfft,  Why do you need that guy?” Maze asked.  She pointed proudly to herself with a smile.  “You have me!  I’ll take care of the little human for you!”

A bad feeling started creeping over Chloe.  The thought of the havoc Maze might wreak with Trixie sent shivers down her spine.  “But... but I might be gone a while --”

Maze waved dismissively at her.  “I can handle it.  You go bring our idiot back home.”  She grabbed the detective’s arm and started dragging her to the apartment.  “I’ll help you pack....”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Chloe left the next morning after Trixie went to school  She drove to Las Vegas in record time, reflecting that Lucifer would have been proud of her, for she had driven as he drove -- like a maniac -- and had made the trip in just under three hours.  She quickly found Aria -- there was no doubt that it was a place Lucifer would have gone.  A massive, glitzy resort that screamed money, it certainly wasn’t somewhere Chloe could have afforded.  After parking her car, she entered the complex, traveled through the obscenely huge casino with an eye out at the tables for her Devil, and finally reached the registration desk.

“I’m looking for Lucifer Morningstar,” Chloe said as she flashed her badge quickly, hoping the woman behind the counter would not notice that it was an LAPD badge.  

The woman didn’t, thankfully.  Her hands fluttered nervously as she got onto her computer.  “Just one moment, let me see if we have a guest by that name.”  Chloe drummed her fingers on the counter, trying hard to conceal her impatience.  She needed to see Lucifer so badly...!

“I’m sorry, there’s no one here by that name,” the woman finally said.

_Crap._

“Are you sure?  I have it on good authority that he was supposed to be here.”

The woman shook her head.  “No, I can do a search of our database and see when he was here last.”  Her fingers tapped on her keyboard, then she nodded.  “He checked out three weeks ago.”

“Three weeks?”  Chloe bit her lower lip.  Had he gone to another casino?  Damn, he could be anywhere....  “Did he give any indication of where he was going?  It’s imperative that I find him.”

“No, but let me have you talk to my supervisor.  She might have more information.”

The supervisor was a tall, statuesque brunette woman whose face lit up at the sound of Lucifer’s name.  “Oh, Lucifer!  Of course I remember him.  There’s no way I could forget.  He was... _quite_ a good client.”  A sultry smile lit her face.  “He was... amazing.”

Chloe’s heart sunk.  Of course Lucifer would have found new... companions.  “Um, yes.  Do you have any idea where he may have gone?  He’s crucial to a case I’m working on.”

The woman’s face grew thoughtful.  “He wanted to leave Las Vegas, I remember that much.  He asked me if I knew of a realtor who could find him a cabin somewhere, so I referred him to a friend of mine.  I’ll get you her information.”

A short while later, Chloe found herself at a local real estate office, sitting across a blonde woman who waxed nostalgic about all the sexy moves Lucifer had performed on her.  It took everything in her willpower not to attack the woman and rip her hair out.  Trying to be as patient as she could, she nodded stoically and waited until the woman finally gave her the information she needed.

“I referred him to my friend in Brian Head, Utah.  He sells secluded mountain cabins up there, and Lucifer said that was just what he needed.”

 _Utah?_  The Devil in a mostly Mormon state?  Chloe couldn’t believe it... but then she thought again.  if Lucifer was trying to punish himself because of what she had said to him, what better way to do it than to be surrounded by pious, religious people who loved his father?  

And so Chloe hopped in her car and drove another two hundred miles to Brian Head. She was exhausted from all the driving when she finally reached the little community after sunset.  Pulling over at a Comfort Inn, she got herself a room and called Trixie and Maze to let them know the latest developments.

“Did you find Lucifer yet?” Trixie asked.

Chloe rested her suitcase on a nearby chair and sat on the bed as she spoke into the phone.  “Not yet, monkey, but I’m close.”   _I hope._

“I hope you find him soon.  I miss you.”

“I miss you too, baby.”

Then Maze came on the line.  “You find that idiot yet?”

“I’ve tracked him to Brian Head, Utah.”

“Utah?!  What the hell is he doing in _Utah?_  There aren’t any strippers there.  Hell, do they even _drink_ there?!”

Chloe cringed as she heard Trixie ask Maze what a stripper was.  “Apparently he bought a mountain cabin --”

“A mountain cabin?!  That idiot’s finally lost his mind --”

“Yeah, well, maybe.  I’ll see the realtor tomorrow and find out where he’s gone.  I’ll call you when I find him.”

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

The next morning, Chloe went to visit the realtor who had done business with her Devil.  The man remembered him very well -- too well.  She grimaced with chagrin as she listened to the man go on and on about what a fantastic lover Lucifer was, and how he had... well... pleasured him.  Apparently her fallen angel had felt the need to pleasure _everyone_ he met.  She pinched the bridge of her nose and wished she hadn’t sent him away.  This was all her fault.  She had driven him into an orgy of epic proportions.  She’d be lucky if he would ever want to look at her again, let alone be with her.

When the realtor had finally stopped extolling the fallen angel’s sexual prowess, Chloe was able to finagle an address out of him.  Relief poured through her as she ran to her car, mostly to get to Lucifer but also to escape the realtor, who had started once again describing in graphic detail more of Lucifer’s... talents.

As all sorts of wicked images of a debauched Lucifer tortured her brain, she drove through the windy mountain roads until she found the unpaved road which led to the cabin he had bought.  The car jostled her down to her teeth as the tires crunched on the dirt.  Following the road to its end, she came to a very small, humble cabin.

It was tiny, with a steep pitched roof, wood siding on its walls, and a charming front porch.  A single car garage was attached to one side.  Tall trees surrounded the entire cabin, giving it privacy -- not that there was anyone around to intrude.  There wasn’t a neighbor visible for miles.

Chloe regretted not bringing a heavier jacket as she stepped out of the car.  The jacket she had was heavy, but not heavy enough for the mountains.  Even though it was noon, the air was chilly.  Chloe couldn’t seem to catch her breath, but she knew it was from the high altitude.  She hoped she wouldn’t have to be at the cabin long -- she didn’t care for the thin air.  

She quickly made her way up the porch stairs and gave a hard rap on the front door.  There was no response.  No sound.  Was he not home?  Had he left once again for another part of the country? She feared she wouldn’t be able to pick up his trail again -- at least, not right away -- if he had.  Pounding the door once again brought no results, so she peeked through the window.  The insides looked spartan, clean... but the comforter on the bed against the far wall looked rumpled, as if someone had sat on it, and there was a device -- a Kindle? -- laying on the nightstand.

Well, someone was living there -- now she had to just confirm it was Lucifer.  She couldn’t see too well through the window, so she looked for other clues to the owner’s identity.  Skipping down the porch steps, she circled to the side of the garage, hoping to find a window there, so that she could peek in and check for a car... but no.  Nothing.  Sighing, she decided to wait until the occupant came home.  With any luck, it would be Lucifer.  If not, then perhaps the person would be able to point her in the direction the fallen angel would have gone.

After calling Maze and Trixie to let her know what she had found, Chloe made herself comfortable on the porch steps and waited.

 

 


	10. Hiding Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You rock!

 

 

For the longest time, Lucifer stood hidden in the trees, watching Chloe from a distance.

He couldn’t understand why she was there.  At first he had thought she was a figment of his imagination, for she had been quite adamant about parting ways.  He hadn’t contacted her in three months, and every day -- nay, every second -- had been torture.  After leaving LUX in Maze’s care and making her promise never to speak of him to the detective, he spent two months in Las Vegas with all the continuous sex, booze, and drugs he could ever want.  He should have felt happiness.  Joy.  After all, he was living the high life, right?  Gambling and winning, making deals, nonstop parties -- that’s what the Devil was meant to do.

And yet, it held no meaning.  His heart was dead and sawdust filled his mouth.  Cinders surrounded him... ash.  Rotting flesh.  Death.  Nothing meant anything.  What good was going on a mad bender when he couldn’t forget about Chloe?  And he couldn’t -- her spectre was there beside him every second of every day, berating him for doing drugs, staring sadly at him while he slept with anything that moved, shaking her head with disappointment at his less-than-legal deals.  He finally realized that nothing could fill the emptiness in his soul.  That was when he bought the little cabin in Utah, where he hid and lived a quiet life alone.

The solitude had been painful, of course.  He was used to humans surrounding him at all times, but he couldn’t bear to be around them.  Not without Chloe.  It hurt too much.  Hiding himself away had helped.  He worked hard to keep living -- second to second, minute to minute, day to day.  Time seemed to flow ad infinitum, with no change in his daily routine.  He woke up, brushed his teeth, ate a bare minimum of food, chopped wood, hiked to town many miles away for supplies, then returned home.  He had no phone, no computer -- not much, save for plumbing and a little electricity, which he used sparingly.  The Corvette sat in the garage, unused.

One of the women he had slept with in Las Vegas had given him an old Kindle Fire as a going away present, but unfortunately, all it had on it was the Lifetime app.  The house had come with all the equipment for satellite internet, so Lucifer had it activated along with the other utilities when he bought the place.  Then, every night, he tucked in and watched cheesy Lifetime movies with bad acting instead of sleeping.  It was torture, but it was no less than what he deserved.  He found himself getting teary-eyed as he watched the sappy heroines find true love while he all he had was desolation, with no end in sight.  He should have just stopped watching, but he couldn’t.  It was punishment, and he welcomed it.

Pushing himself to exhaustion gave him a nice, dreamless sleep -- when he did sleep -- for he couldn’t bear his dreams of Chloe telling him over and over to leave her alone.  Every day he thought of her -- wondered what she was doing, how she was doing.  Was she well?  Was she eating?  Taking care of herself?  Had she found purpose again?  Was she catching a lot of bad guys?  Did... did she ever think of him?

He always shut down his errant thoughts every time the last question cropped up.  Of course she didn’t think of him -- why should she?  He had ruined her life.  Well, destroyed her life, more like.  He hoped that someday she might be able to forgive him, but he doubted it would happen.  Her resentment had been palpable, and her bitter words constantly rang in his head.  Her life would never have any meaning, as long as he was in it.  It was a serrated knife blade sawing at his soul, constantly laying him open, letting the wound fester, never letting it heal.

And why should it?  He deserved it.  Deserved her hatred and resentment.  Deserved her contempt.  He was the Devil, after all.  He had been a fool to think he could put it behind him and remake himself.  No, he had to accept that he was Evil Incarnate -- the cause for all the world’s ills.  His shoulders became slumped, and he lost the beautiful proud posture he once had.  He let his appearance go -- his stubble became a beard, his neatly trimmed hair grew long and curly until it was down around his shoulders, and he wore plain work clothes.  Gone were the expensive clothes and the neat, manscaped appearance.  He lost weight -- already lean to begin with, he became gaunt, with hollows under his eyes and his cheek bones gaining prominence.  Moving like an old man burdened with years of suffering, no one looking at him would have recognized him as the popular club owner of LUX.

And now here he stood, hiding in the trees, staring at the woman of his dreams -- the one person who could make his heart pound fiercely.  The only person in the world he loved.

As night fell, the temperature started to plummet, but Chloe still sat on his porch and would not leave.  Lucifer worried, for it would soon be very cold, and she did not look appropriately dressed.  Come to think of it, neither was he -- and he was beginning to feel the effects, since she made him mortal.  He decided to go for a night hike to feel better, and return later.  Surely she would have packed up and left by then?

A few hours later, he returned to see her still huddled on his porch steps.  Why wouldn’t she leave?  Stubborn detective!  There was just no getting around it -- he really couldn’t avoid her any longer.  With a heavy sigh, he girded his loins and trudged up to his cabin.

She didn’t hear him as he approached, for which he was grateful.  Stopping just shy of the porch, he let his eyes have his fill of her.  She was as beautiful as he remembered, looking so peaceful in the moonlight with her eyes closed.  Was she sleeping?  Moving as silently as a shadow, he walked up to her.

Yes, she was sleeping -- and shivering as she dreamed.  Bloody hell, it was too cold for her!  Careful not to wake her, he gently picked her up and brought her inside his meager abode.  She nuzzled against him, seeking his warmth, but didn’t wake.  His heart leapt like a traitorous thing before he clamped down on the feelings of joy bursting through him.  Idiot, to be thinking of things he could never have!  But oh, how he had missed her....  He’d take whatever time he could get with her.  Laying her gently on his bed, he carefully removed her jacket, covered her with a thick comforter, then started a blazing fire in the wood-burning stove.  He pulled up a chair next to her and made himself comfortable, draping his heavy coat across his legs.

Why was she at his cabin?  It puzzled him.  Perhaps she had lost her way?  Could this be a coincidence arranged by Dad?  He didn’t know.  There was no way she could have come to see him -- not after the way they had parted.  Still, he was content to have her with him, even if only for one night.  Watching her walk out of his life again would be too painful to bear, so he vowed to be out of the cabin before she woke.

But in the meantime, it didn’t hurt to watch her while she slept, did it?  It would be a nice memory to tide him over in the long years ahead.  Tipping his head to one side, he studied her tousled hair of burnished gold, her porcelain skin, the fine pink tint on her cheeks, and her kissable lips, slightly parted in sleep.  Lucifer chuckled ruefully at himself.  He was a fool.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Chloe woke, feeling wonderfully warm and cozy.  It puzzled her as she lay there, for the last thing she remembered was falling asleep on the porch as the temperatures grew bitterly cold.  No one had arrived, which had been a disappointment.  She held out hope it would be Lucifer, and if it was him, she knew it wouldn’t be easy -- not after how they parted.  She’d be lucky if he even let her inside.

When she opened her eyes, she was surprised to find herself inside the warm cabin, snug in the single bed there.  An empty chair sat nearby, and the Kindle that had once lain on the nightstand was gone.  The rest of the room was spartan in appearance -- a writing desk with a teddy bear sitting atop it shoved against a wall, and a small dining table in the kitchen.  The sight of the teddy bear lifted Chloe’s spirits -- it looked like the one she and Trixie had given Lucifer.  She might have been mistaken, but she hoped not.  Scanning the rest of the room, she noted a little refrigerator next to a sink, with a wood-burning stove nearby.  A neat stack of firewood was arranged in a basket by the front door.  The hardwood floor was bare -- not even a single rug graced it to give the room a feel of warmth.  If not for the teddy bear, the cabin would not have looked inviting at all.

The smell of food wafted through the air, stoking Chloe’s hunger.  With her stomach growling, she threw back the thick comforter and sat up.

Although she was alone, someone else had been there, for not only was there food laid out on the table, there was a nice fire crackling in the stove.  Puzzled, she rose to her feet.  Someone had brought her inside -- where was the owner?  After investigating the only other two tiny rooms -- a closet and a bathroom -- and using the facilities, she ambled over to the table.  On it, she saw a little note resting beside the steaming hot food which read, “Please help yourself.”

Chloe picked up the note and studied the angular scrawl.  Lucifer’s handwriting -- there wasn’t any doubt.  Clutching it in her hand, she felt hope flutter in her chest.  The food was still warm -- he couldn’t be far.  Dashing to the front door, she threw it open and looked outside.  The sun was shining, the pine trees looked beautiful in their majesty, and the air was bitingly cold, but there was no sign of human -- or angelic -- life anywhere.

“Lucifer!” she called out.  No one answered except her own echo bouncing back at her.  She tried again.  “Lucifer!”

Nothing.

Well, she was a Decker, and wasn’t about to give up for anything.  Tromping back into the cabin, she sat down and tucked into the meal before her.

 

 

________________________________________

 

 

Lucifer couldn’t understand why Chloe wasn’t leaving.

From his hiding place, he watched with dismay as she fetched a small suitcase from her car and carried it inside.  She looked like she was getting ready to stay for the long haul.  Scratching his head, he tried to figure out why she’d want to stay.  She hated him, so why...?  It didn’t make any sense.

Biting his lower lip, he considered his options.  Should he talk to her?  Or should he avoid her?  He took one step toward the cabin, then backed up deeper into the trees.  Indecision tore at him, tearing his confidence to shreds until he found himself paralyzed.  What to do... what to do...?

Well, eventually she’d leave -- she’d have to.  Right?  She couldn’t stay there forever.  He could outwait her.  He was the Devil, after all.  Nodding to himself, he folded his arms around his chest and leaned against a tree trunk.  He supposed he could have just taken off and found himself another cabin, but he was loathe to do so -- not when this one suited him so well.

So he went for his usual walk into town even though he didn’t need any supplies, then returned and waited.  Night fell, and she still hadn’t left.  When it grew dark and it was apparent she was going to hole up in his cabin, he approached one of the windows and watched her through it like a lovesick calf.

Pathetic.  He was absolutely pathetic.  And yet he couldn’t stop himself....

It felt like forever before she finally fell asleep at the dining table.  Lucifer sighed. Of course she would fall asleep there, instead of getting into bed.  The thought of Chloe in his bed filled his insides with warmth as arousal speared through him, but he shoved it all away.  Such happy thoughts weren’t allowed.  He had destroyed her life -- he didn’t deserve happiness.

As stealthily as he could, he opened the front door and peeked in.  Chloe still hadn’t stirred.  Taking a deep breath, he walked over to her and picked her up.  She moaned softly but didn’t wake.  Holding her in his arms was a blessing and a curse -- a joy to hold her again, but agony knowing that he’d have to let her go.  As his arms tightened fractionally, she snuggled close and mumbled, “Luc.. ifer.”

He froze as his heart stopped a beat, then pounded fiercely like a drummer on cocaine.  Goodness, was she going to wake?  He didn’t know what to do.  Sit her back at the dining table?  No -- put her in bed quickly.  No wait -- just... just stand there and maybe she wouldn’t notice...?

As he stood there like a bloody fool, racked with indecision, she sighed and quieted in his arms.  Lucifer let out his breath and carried her to the bed.  When he lay her down and tucked her in, her brow furrowed, even though she still slept, and she gave a small, distressed whimper.  Leaning down, he brushed the hair from her brow and kissed her forehead.

“Sleep, Detective.”  As he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, her expression cleared and she fell into a peaceful slumber.

Lucifer shook his head as he sat down in the chair he had occupied the night before and settled in to watch Chloe sleep.  Quite obviously, he was a glutton for punishment.

  
  


________________________________________

 

 

When Chloe woke up, she once more found herself in bed.  Sunshine lit up the little cabin, cheering up the surroundings considerably.  Sitting up, she saw breakfast on the table, and no Lucifer.  Again.

This was becoming ridiculous.  She really wanted to beat some sense into her Devil.  Hopping out of bed, she rushed to the front door and whipped it open.

“Lucifer!” she yelled.  “Goddamn it, come here!”

Only the sounds of chirping birds answered her.

“I’m not leaving until you talk to me!”

Still nothing.

Chloe blew a stray lock of hair out of her face and yelled again.  “Lucifer!”

Her head dropped as her insides wilted.  Well, what had she expected?  She had said some horrible things to him, then sent him away.  He would hardly welcome her back with open arms, would he?  Rubbing her forehead, she turned to go back inside.  Just as she was about to close the door, she heard his voice calling to her across the woods.

“You need to go home, Detective.”

Chloe’s breath seized in her chest as a jolt of electricity shot through her body.  Whirling around, she ran back outside.  Her eyes darted left and right, searching for him, but she only saw the surrounding trees.

“I can’t -- not until we’ve talked!”  She peered into the woods.  “Lucifer --”

“I believe you said it all when last we met.”  His voice bounced off the trees and echoed all around her, making it impossible to pinpoint his location.  Chloe paced the porch, trying to spot him.

“I was wrong.  Lucifer, please...!”

A movement caught her eye and she turned to see a figure emerge from behind a distant tree.  He certainly didn’t look like Lucifer -- not with the longish, curly hair, a short, thick beard, and dressed in a plaid shirt and jeans with a heavy coat.  Chloe rubbed her eyes and looked again.  The figure was still there.

“Lucifer...?”

“What do you want, Detective?”  The voice was still Lucifer’s... smooth, dulcet tones of London.

“Let’s talk inside.”

He hesitated.  For a brief second Chloe worried that he would once again disappear in the woods, and she would lose him forever.  A sigh of relief swept through her when he started moving toward her.  She watched him approach, dismayed at the sight of his slumped posture and his shuffling gait.  He looked as if the weight of the world bore down on his shoulders.  There were dark smudges under his eyes, and he was thinner.  Pale.  Exhausted.   Pain shot through her heart, squeezing the breath from her.  She had done that to him....  Broken him.

Opening the door wide, Chloe ushered the fallen angel inside, then followed him in.  She took a deep breath and prepared herself for what lay ahead of her -- the fight for her Devil.  The fight she had to win.

 

 


	11. What the Devil Desires

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A super-huge thank you to my excellent beta, ScooterThyme! You rock!

 

 

Lucifer wasn’t sure what to expect as he entered the cabin.  A part of him wanted to jump up and down with delight at the prospect of actually facing Chloe again, while the other part of him wanted to hide.  Walking to the dining table, he set himself down on an old chair that creaked under his weight.  Glancing up, he saw his detective take the seat opposite him.  She was so vibrant in her plaid flannel shirt and jeans, so alive -- the air practically shimmered in her presence.  Swallowing hard, he tried to make himself look as calm as possible, even though his heart was thumping like a jackhammer.

“So --”  His voice cracked, sending heat into his cheeks.  Bloody hell, what a way to start.  Clearing his throat, he tried again.  “So... what brings you here?”

“Lucifer....”

She looked as uncomfortable as he felt.  He watched as her hands twisted together until she finally propped her elbows on the table and leaned her chin on her laced fingers.  Her eyes, so vividly blue-green, bore into his.  Lucifer’s breath hitched in his chest.  He hadn’t realized just how much he missed her clear, no-nonsense gaze until this very moment.

“I’m sorry.”

The Devil’s eyebrows rose.  Well!  He bloody well hadn’t expected her to say that.  He wasn’t sure what he had expected her to say -- maybe more comments about how he had ruined her life, which would be fully deserved.  Not... an apology.

“Look, when I found out about my... birth, I was upset.  I felt like... nothing.  It was as if my whole life had been negated in a single instant.  I wasn’t meant to be here.  I  _ shouldn’t _ have been here.”

A tingling in his cheeks had Lucifer rubbing his hand over his face.  “Detective --”

She held up a hand.  “No, let me finish.  I believed -- mistakenly -- that I was put here for the sole purpose of being your girlfriend.  I was angry.  I wanted my life to mean something more, so I pushed you away.”  After running a hand through her hair, she shook her head.  “That was wrong of me.  It wasn’t your fault --”

“Yes, it was --”

She glared at him.  “No, it wasn’t.  It was your father’s fault.  It was never yours, but I blamed you.  Wrongly.”  Leaning forward, she reached across the table and took his hand in hers.  Electricity jolted through Lucifer at her touch, sending heat rushing through his cheeks and a warmth through his heart. She... she was holding his hand!  “I should have never left you.”

He squeezed his eyes shut.  “Of course you should have, Detective.  It was what was right.”

“No, it wasn’t.”  She sighed.  “Look, I can’t talk to you across this table. It’s too... impersonal.”  Standing, she pulled him over to the bed and sat him down on its edge.  Confusion drew his eyebrows together as he stared at her.  She... she wanted to sleep with him?   _ Now? _

But in this he was mistaken.  “We can talk better here,” she said as she took a seat next to him.  The feel of her thigh against his burned Lucifer as desire stirred within him.  Lacing her fingers in his, Chloe took a deep breath and turned to look at into his eyes.  The fallen angel’s breath caught in his throat.  She was so close....

After a moment, Chloe closed her eyes and leaned her head on his shoulder.  “I felt dead inside when I found out about my birth.  Nothing seemed to matter.  I was afraid God had put me here just to be your girlfriend, and it affected me badly.  I felt like I didn’t have any worth on my own.  It took me a while to figure it out, but I do indeed have a purpose -- to help people.  Being with you doesn’t necessarily mean that your girlfriend is all that I am.  I can still be me.  I’m not defined by you.  When I realized that, things snapped into place.”  She glanced up at him, her eyes worried.  “Do you understand?”

He nodded.  “I... do.  I’m happy for you, and I’m glad Dad hasn’t scarred you for life.”

Chuckling, she tightened her grip on his hand.  “Me too.  Can you forgive me?”

Gazing down into her hopeful face, he knew he couldn’t deny her anything.  He smiled, his face growing soft and tender.  “There’s nothing to forgive.”

She stared down at her feet, letting her golden hair fall forward so that her face was hidden from his view.  “I told you to leave.  I abandoned you.”

Sighing, he eased his hand from hers and wrapped his arms around her.  Pulling her close, he kissed her hair.  “No, my dear.  You did the right thing.”

Chloe’s head shot up, bumping his chin hard.  “It wasn’t right, Lucifer.”

Wincing, the fallen angel rubbed his jaw.  “It was.”

“No --”

“You were right to send me away, love.  You can’t be who you are with me around.”  Lucifer tried to chuckle, but it just sounded sad.  “I’m happy for you.”

“Lucifer --”

“I don’t hold any grudges.”  He took a deep breath, then forced himself to say the words he knew he had to say, despite the sharp pain stabbing him deep in the heart.  “You can go home now.”

Her mouth dropped open.  “What?”

He blinked with surprise.  “Well, that’s why you came, is it not?  For absolution?  You have it.  Now you can go home and live your life happily.”

For a long moment she just stared at him before her aqua eyes narrowed dangerously.  “This isn’t what this is about.”

“It isn’t?”  His eyebrows drew together as he tried to figure out what it was indeed about, then.  “But I thought --”

“I’m here to bring you home.”

“Home?”  Lucifer cocked his head at her.  “I am home.”

“No, Lucifer.  Los Angeles. Home.”

Was that his home?  He would have said yes, once upon a time, but now... now, without Chloe, it was just another city.  It had no meaning.

At his silence, she glanced around the room, then back at him before shaking her head.  “This isn’t your home, Lucifer.  This is a retreat -- where you can hide from the world.  Your home is back in LA, where LUX and your family are.”

Family?  A bitter laugh escaped Lucifer as he stood up and walked over to the window to peer outside.  “Family,” he spat.  “That den of vipers?  That’s hardly family.”

“Den of vipers?”  Chloe frowned.  “Who are you talking about?”

“Amenadiel and Mum,” he said as he gazed at two birds soaring across the sky.  How he wished he still had his wings so that he could join them -- fly away, never to be seen again.  Never to be found by his bloody family.  Just... vanish.

“They aren’t your family.”

Lucifer turned sharply at Chloe’s pronouncement.  “I beg your pardon?”

“They aren’t your family.“  Rising to her feet, Chloe walked up and joined him by the window.  With a touch as light as a feather, she laid a hand on his arm.  “They may be your biological family, but they aren’t your real family.”

He drew his brows together as he studied her.  “Then who is?”

A fine blush covered her cheeks as she said, “I’d like to think that Trixie, Maze and I are.”

He couldn’t believe his ears.  “Y-you, your little spawn, and Maze?”

“Yes.”

It didn’t make sense to him.  He was the Devil, after all.  He was the reason why Chloe suffered so much.  “Why?”

“Because we care.”

Stunned, the fallen angel could only stare at her.  At his long silence, Chloe began to fidget, and finally dropped her hand from his arm.  “Of... of course family is whoever you want it to be -- it doesn’t have to be us.”

She thought he didn’t want her as family?  Scrambling to dispel her of that notion, he stumbled all over his words.  “Wait....It’s not -- Your... your idea of family is a fine one.”  He swallowed hard.  “It’s just that... I’m the Devil.”

“You’re not, but even if you were, it wouldn’t matter.”  She took his hand in hers.  “Come home with me, Lucifer.  You don’t belong here.  You belong back in LA -- with your family.  With... me.”

His heart soared at her words, only to plummet from the sky and smash into the ground as he realized he could never be with her.  “I don’t, Detective.  I’m not -- don’t... please don’t ask me to --”

She glared at him, her expression fierce.  “Why don’t you think you belong with me?”

He wilted inside.  “Because.... I destroyed your life.  You said it yourself -- your life doesn’t mean anything as long as I’m around.”

Horror crossed her features.  “Lucifer, I didn’t mean that --”

“No, you were right.”  He took a deep breath.  “It’s the truth.”

“No --”

“Yes.  If Dad hadn’t been meddling, you wouldn’t have ever met me --”

“Lucifer, I wouldn’t have even been  _ alive _ \--”

“It’s entirely my fault that your life has been turned upside down.  My fault.  I’m just... trouble.  I destroy everything I touch.”  When she opened her mouth to protest, he silenced her with a finger on her lips.  He had to do what was right for Chloe.  She always came first.  “Right.  I’m... I’m not right for you.  You deserve someone good... as good as you.  Someone who makes your life mean something.  Someone who’s not a... destructive force in your life.  You’ll never be truly happy with me... and I’m not about to let you sacrifice yourself out of obligation.”  He looked away.  “I’m not worth it, Detective.  Find someone worthy of your grace, and be happy.”

Her hand touched his chin, and turned his head back toward her.  Her aqua eyes glinted with determination.  “You  _ are _ worthy, Lucifer.  You always have been... and I’ll spend the rest of my life trying to prove that _ I’m _ worthy of  _ you.” _

With that, she tugged his head down and kissed him.

Lucifer didn’t know what to do.  Disbelief shot through him.  She shouldn’t be kissing him -- he wasn’t worth it!  And yet... she was.  It defied reason.  He didn’t understand.  He had just finished telling her he wasn’t worth it -- why was she kissing him?

Too soon the soft, gentle kiss was over.  Pressing her forehead to his, she whispered, “I love you, Lucifer.”

Love?

She loved him?   _ Loved him? _

He couldn’t believe it.  His head spun.  Stunned, he could only stare at her in wonder.  Didn’t she hate him?  He had ruined her life.  Her life had no meaning with him in it!  And yet....

Standing so close to her was doing odd things to his thinking processes.  Taking a few steps back, he tried to clear his head.  “I... I don’t understand.”  He rubbed the back of his neck  “Something’s not right.  Obviously I’ve lost my mind.”  And then a horrific thought occurred to him.  “Are you -- did Dad send you?  Are you some bloody hallucination sent by Dad?”

“What?!  Of course not --”  She reached out to him but he batted her hand away.

“That bloody wanker -- he just can’t leave me to suffer in peace, can he?  Now he has to send visions to haunt me!”

“Lucifer --”

Turning his attention skyward, he started yelling and shaking his fist.  “I know you’re behind this elaborate scheme, Dad!  Did you really think you could fool me, you bloody --”

Chloe’s fist slammed into his face.

“Bloody hell!”  Clutching his eye, Lucifer looked closely at her.  “D-Detective?”

“Yes, you dope.”  She gave him a baleful stare.  With one hand on her hip and her eyes snapping with anger, she looked glorious in the fallen angel’s eyes.  “Me.  Not your dad --  _ me!” _

It took a moment for her words to sink in -- and then he reached for her, hauling into his arms and clutching her to him so tightly that he could feel every line and curve of her body.  Feeling her arms slide around him only made him squeeze her tighter.  “Detective --”

“It’s me.”  He could hear the smile in her voice.  “I’m here.”

He held her for a long time before he pulled back to look into her eyes.  “But I don’t understand.  You hate me --”

She shook her head.  “No.  Never.”  Reaching up between them, she caressed his bearded cheek.  “Never, Lucifer.”

“But... I”m... I’m not worthy of you.  How can you --”  He broke off and squeezed his eyes shut.  “I... I just don’t understand.”

Chloe hugged him again.  “You are worthy, Lucifer.  Never think you aren’t.”  He felt her snuggle closer to him.  “I love you, my dear Devil.”

It was like a dream come true.  Never in his lifetime had he imagined that Chloe loved him -- truly loved him.  Oh, she had said it in the story she had written to him, but to hear her saying the actual words rocked him to his core.  He didn’t know how to react.  At a loss for words, he just stood there staring down at her, frozen in her embrace.

When he didn’t move, she pulled back slightly, her face pensive.  “You don’t have to love me back,” she said quietly.  “I know I treated you horribly, and you have every right to sleep with a different woman every night.  Just... just let me stay by your side.  That’s all I ask.”

That shocked him out of his immobility.  “Detective --”  He drew her close.  “As if I could ever want anyone but you.”  He pulled back and caressed her cheek.  “You’re everything to me.”  Leaning forward, he cupped her face in his hands and pressed his forehead against hers.  “I... I love you, too.”

“You do?”  Her face lit up like a supernova, and tears filled her eyes.  Bloody hell, she was crying?  He made her cry?

“I’ve hurt you --”

Shaking her head fiercely, she let out a chuckle.  “No.  Not at all.  I’m very happy.”

“But you’re crying --”

She shook her head again and pulled him down.  “Just kiss me.”

With a smile, Lucifer breathed, “With pleasure.”

He kissed her softly at first, a little tentatively because he still wasn’t sure if he was dreaming, but the feel of her lips on his assured him that she was real.  Closing his eyes, he reveled in her as he coaxed her lips apart and deepened the kiss.  He felt her respond as a soft moan escaped her, her hands reaching around his neck to draw him to her.  Her fingers threaded through his hair as she tried to get impossibly closer.  She tasted as sweet as honey, and the fragrance of her shampoo teased his senses.  Her body against his scorched him as if he had gotten too close to the sun.  Arousal lit his body on fire and he groaned as his hands roamed her body, touching her everywhere.

Too soon she pulled back, as breathless as he was.  Her sultry aqua eyes sparkled with humor as she smiled at him.  “Your beard tickles.”

He ran a hand down his cheek, then glanced down at himself.  “Oh, bloody hell,” he groaned.  “I look like a bloody lumberjack.”

For the first time since he parted ways with her, he took an interest in how he looked and was dismayed.  He couldn’t make love to his detective looking like a caveman!  He was the Devil -- he had style!  And this -- the long hair, the beard, the work clothes -- this was  _ not _ style.  And this was  _ not _ how he wanted to be with her.  With a heavy sigh, he released her.

Worry creased her brow.  “Lucifer?  What’s wrong?”

It would be so easy to just laugh things off -- tell her nothing of his desires.  He had been hurt before by loved ones... and it would be so easy to hide.  But this was Chloe -- the only one he trusted... loved... and had died for.

And she loved him -- truly loved him -- didn’t she?  Although he could hardly believe it, everything she did showed him just how much she loved him.  She accepted him for who he was, told him he was a good man.  She had forgiven him when he had been so angry about the circumstances of her birth, even though it hadn’t been her fault at all.  She could have kicked him to the curb then -- but she hadn’t.  Even after sending him away -- and with good reason -- she had tracked him down and apologized, and now she asked to stay with him, even though she feared he would replace her.  As if he ever could!  There was no one like Chloe.  No one....

In a blinding flash of clarity, he realized that he  _ could _ trust her with his heart’s desires, for she would never hurt him.  He trusted her -- simple as that.  She was the other half of his soul.

“I... I want....”    Fear rippled through him at his own words, his own admission.  He gritted his teeth.  He could do this.  Even though his defense mechanisms struggled to kick in, he pushed them away.  He could tell her, for he truly loved her with everything inside of him.  “I want....”

As if sensing his inner struggle, she stroked his cheek.  “What is it, Lucifer?”  Her eyes grew intense. “What is it you want?”

“I... I want to make love to you,” he said hoarsely as he took a few steps backward.  Oddly, a weight lifted off his shoulders, as if speaking of his desires had released his soul from some strange prison within him.  Opening himself up to her was scary, and yet strangely exciting at the same time.  “I want to hold you in my arms and make love to you all night long.”

“Oh, Lucifer... thank you.”  Her eyes grew bright with unshed tears.  “You don’t know what it means to me that you....”  She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand, then smiled brilliantly at him.  “Then... come.  Let’s fulfill your desire.”  She started to move forward, but he held her off.

“Not... here.  The bed is lumpy and only large enough for one person, and I look like a mountain man.”

A coy expression crossed her face.  “I don’t care about the bed, and I think you’re a very sexy mountain man.”

That gave him pause for a moment as passion shot through him, flaring even higher than before, but no.  He knew what he wanted.

“No.”  His eyes burned with passion.  “When I make love to you, I want it to be perfect.”

Chloe tilted her head at him, puzzled.  “Anytime, anywhere with you would be perfect --”

“No, my dear.  Not like this.  I want our first time to be... unforgettable.”  He reached out and took her hand in his.  “Give me this, love?”

When Lucifer saw disappointment cross her features, his heart squeezed and he almost changed his mind.  He was the Devil, after all -- fulfilling desires was his jam -- and this was Chloe.  He should give her what  _ she _ desired, for she always came first.  But... he didn’t want to make love to her in a tiny, dusty cabin on a lumpy bed, looking like a caveman.  He wanted to give her silk sheets, fine food, and him in his manscaped naked splendor.  And that mattered, didn’t it?

As reading his mind, Chloe suddenly took a deep breath and smiled.  “Then you shall have what you want, Lucifer... because what you want matters.”

The fallen angel felt heat flood his cheeks at her words, and for the first time in his life, he truly felt that what he wanted  _ did _ matter.  She had given that to him... his Chloe.

Chloe walked into his arms and hugged him.  “Thank you for trusting me.”  Snuggling close, she said, “We won’t make love -- yet... but you can hold me, can’t you?”

He grinned, his heart bursting with joy as he wrapped his arms around her.  “Yes, Detective -- Chloe.  I do believe I can do that.”

She sighed against him.  “I’ve missed you.”

Her words made his heart skip a beat before thumping out a rapid rhythm.  Warmth filtered through him, filling the horrible void that had resided in him for far too long, until the emptiness was no more.  “I’ve missed you too.  So much.”

“You’ll come home?”

He let out a happy laugh.  “Try to keep me away, love.  Just try to keep me away.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so very much for keeping up with this Lucifer and Chloe, and for all of your wonderful kudos and comments! Your continued support keeps me inspired to keep writing, so THANK YOU ALL SO SO MUCH!
> 
> That being said, Meta-Lucifer will be going on hiatus for a while. This series has been doing a strange dance with canon -- intersecting it in weird places -- so I want to see how canon handles Lucifer's return, and how Mum reacts (I suspect she has more plans o_O). This series will return when canon Lucifer returns. In the meantime I will be focusing a bit more on my other series and working on some one-shots, so I will be around.... :-)
> 
> Thank you all so much, you are all AWESOME!!


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